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Should You Be Friends With Your Employees?
When I first became a manager years ago, I wanted to make sure that my employees liked and respected me as their boss. I wasn't quite sure how I would make this happen and I wasn't sure if I should call my employees "friends". So, as is often the case, I fumbled my way through learning how to be an effective manager by trying different strategies of relating to my employees. My hope is to spare you the agony of making the mistakes I made while navigating the role of manager.
Lets start by using Websters' definition of friendship which is, "one attached to another by affection or esteem". When I think of the friendships I currently have, I would describe them as having the trust necessary to share our deepest thoughts and feelings about ourselves and others. It encompasses sharing time together during the week and weekends or whenever we feel the need to connect. Friendship means you are willing to listen and offer advice when needed, but more importantly, taking a great interest in the personal and professional life of the other person
So, can we have this type of relationship with our employees? My experience has been that managers become ineffective when they have relationships with employees like they have with friends. Below you will see three reasons why:
- Confidantes- if you tell your employees your deepest secrets, you may be crossing a boundary that makes the employee uncomfortable knowing such personal or professional information. By giving this information to certain employees you may be showing preferential treatment or favoritism. Favoritism gives more power to those that receive special time and attention.This can act as a demotivator to those that are not "in the know."
- Spending Time Outside Work- this is truly one of the worst mistakes to make as a manager because it begins to show favoritism towards those employees that you choose to spend time with and information may be shared that crosses a boundary.
- Lose Objectivity- A manager needs to praise and critique an employee's work performance, and if you cross into a friendship with that employee, you may not be able to see those behaviors that need improvement or you may be unwilling to share criticism for fear of losing the relationship. You may even need to terminate the friend if the performance deteriorates.
So, what aspects of a friendship are acceptable to share?
- Respect- it is always acceptable to listen to workplace needs from your employee, but if personal information or problems are shared, it is best to listen and if necessary, offer your employee any help you may have through your company's employee assistance program, i.e., counseling etc.
- Laughter- encourage employees to share successes outside of work and make your workplace fun by celebrating work anniversaries, birthdays and special holidays.
- Learn- share ways to build strengths and decrease weaknesses that will help you and your employees perform work at a higher level. Ask your employees for feedback on how you perform as their boss and then take action on those suggestions for improvement.
Seeing your employees as friends at work is an admirable desire, but one that can backfire, if you are sharing too much information, spending time outside of work with them and losing objectivity as their boss.
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