Is It Better to Be Interested or Interesting?
"It is the province of knowledge to speak. And it is the privilege of wisdom to listen."
Oliver Wendell Holmes
Recently, I attended a National Speaker's Association meeting in Minneapolis which featured a dynamic keynote speaker, Mark Scharenbroich. He posed the question above to his audience and allowed them a moment to ponder before giving their response. I would like to give you a moment to think about this powerful question. When I ask this question to my friends and relatives their answers always support both equally. The argument goes that you do not want to be a social bore so it is better to be interesting when conversing. The other viewpoint supports the idea that people will want to be around you more if you are interested in what they are saying.
If you read my message above, you already know how I will responded to this question. I believe you will find more success in your personal and professional life if you are interested in others versus being interesting. Why? There are far too many people in this world who want to talk about themselves at length without any consideration for the other party. They will speak for hours on end about their work, family and social life and never pause for a breath.
Then you come across those precious few people that want to know more about your life and how you are doing in it. It is truly refreshing to experience a conversation where someone listens attentively and asks relevant follow up questions.
While it is true that both are important, as when you do speak, you want to hold your listener's attention and be interesting. But, if I had to err, I would rather be a great listener than a great talker. Steven Covey said it best in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People, when he wrote, "It is better to seek understanding first before you seek to be understood."
My challenge to you this holiday season when your family and friends are gathered near is to strive for becoming more interested in them than interesting. Here are a few tips that will help you get there:
- If possible, find a quiet place to talk as distractions keep you from hearing important aspects of a conversation
- Ask follow-up or clarifying questions that show you are listening
- Use the three most powerful words in conversation to show you care..."tell me more."
- When it is your time to speak, you will be more interesting if you do not try and "top" the story you just heard
The wonderful paradox about this question is that your friends and family will find you more interesting when you learn to be genuinely interested.
