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5 Tips On Becoming More Approachable
"Example is not the main thing in influencing others, it is the only thing."
~Albert Schweitzer
Webster's Dictionary defines approachable as "easy to meet or deal with". You may be asking why I chose this topic to discuss in this week's newsletter. I believe this is one of the most important characteristics of a great parent and manager. I define approachability as people's desire or willingness to connect with you and get to know you through sharing experiences or asking questions.
One measurement for my success as a speaker is the number of people that approach me after my presentations to ask questions or share stories. In order to get a pulse on what is happening within a family or work culture, other than what people want you to believe and see, you need to make connections with people so they will openly and honestly let you know what is really going on.
As humans we need to connect with others. Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs is a great illustration of this as Maslow mentions our need for having a sense of belonging and love after our physiological needs of thirst, hunger and safety are met. In addition there are numerous health benefits associated with connecting with others like a reduction in depression and loneliness.
So what does it look like if you are not approachable? One clue is when you are the last person to find out about issues in your family or place of work. Or, when you propose ideas there is great resistance to those ideas or lack of feedback when you ask for it.
While there is a myriad of possible ideas to help you become more approachable, I have listed five that I believe will get you started on the right path sooner:
- Find a way to connect through common interests. While my article is talking about being approachable, it all starts with your willingness to reach out to others and find common ground. For a son or daughter it can be sharing a hobby or discussing a book you just read or playing a game they want to play the way they want to play it. For a co-worker or employee it is genuinely being interested in their lives and what you may share in common, i.e., kids in same school, enjoying the same professional sports team, etc.
- Listening without judgement. This can be very difficult, especially with your own children, but when they know they can speak to you about most any topic without the twenty minute lecture, they are more likely to approach you with questions and situations that confuse them. With your workers, it is important that they follow workplace rules, but allow them to speak their entire thoughts without interruption and judgement as much as possible.
- Laugh at yourself. People want to connect with those that are like them. So, if you make yourself out to be perfect or without fault, others cannot relate to you. Often times parents and leaders think they have to look perfect, when in fact mistakes or their humanness is what is attractive and relatable.
- Compliment others sincerely. When a family member or co-worker performs a task at an exceptional level....tell them so! The key here is to be sincere as many people can tell when a manager or parent is overpraising or praising because they just read a book that tells them to do so.
- Be accessible. As a parent, walk to your children and sit with them to find out what is on their mind. Don't wait for them to approach you. As a manager, walk around your office or facility to discover the real issues that are affecting your people. Don't stay in your office waiting for people to share ideas and challenges.
If you practice these five tips sincerely and continually, you will find people approaching you more often with issues that can make or break a business or family. So, what will make you less approachable?
Try and avoid these four common pitfalls:
- Ignoring questions. Family members and co-workers get the impression that you do not have the time or energy to consider their viewpoint and will stop asking questions that often need to be asked.
- Closed door policy. As a leader, you should welcome employees into your office whenever possible. While you do need time to yourself, make this the exception rather than the rule. As a parent, find ways to get your housework done with the kids around which makes you more accessible for those great conversations to start.
- Not asking for feedback. Sometimes it can be difficult to ask for feedback because it means "undoing" a lot of the work that went into your proposal or idea. It is always better to go slow to go fast. Get input upfront and the implementation will be smoother.
- Unfriendly nonverbals. Smile and say hello whenever you can. People are attracted to happy, welcoming people. Also, if you are tall or large, you will need to work overtime to become more approachable because your size may intimidate others. In this case, sit down or allow others to stand when talking with you. In addition, clothing can intimidate. If you have an opportunity to dress less formally, do so, as it equalizes the playing field and creates an atmosphere of informality and trust.
By practicing my five tips and avoiding the four common pitfalls, you will find more people wanting to talk and connect with you in both your personal and professional life. |
