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How to Overcome a Power Struggle
"Peace is not the absence of conflict but the presence of creative alternatives for responding to conflict -- alternatives to passive or aggressive responses, alternatives to violence."
Dorothy Thompson
. Many years ago, I had the opportunity to work with a brilliant consensus builder by the name of Bob Chadwick. Bob had worked with the U. S. Forest Service in helping resolve the spotted owl conflict with the loggers of the Pacific Northwest. From Bob I learned the tools and techniques for moving from conflict to consensus in small and large groups. I would like to share these tips with you so you may find a more effective way to work through conflict at work and at home.
Before I begin giving tips, I must set the foundation for understanding power struggles with the second law of thermo-dynamics that states: "For every action there will be an equal and opposite reaction." If this law is true in physics, I believe that it is also true in human relationships. We are all using equalizing behaviors to try and balance what we perceive as an imbalance in power. Let me give you a few examples:
- A factory worker feels less powerful than his boss and brings three co-workers with him into his boss's office in order to bring up a new idea for the production floor.
- A partner in a business feels that the other partner has more power and so creates an office at the back of the building to create distance and power.
- A consultant feels that the customer is sabotaging the work of their project together and does not return the customer's phone calls immediately to balance power.
- A child does not get the candy bar at the checkout lane in a grocery store and throws himself on the floor in a screaming rage to gain power.
These are all examples of how others try and equalize power with us when they feel less powerful. Now comes a more powerful question....what do you do to equalize power with others that you perceive to have more power? My guess would be that you use the same behaviors. Whenever we decide to use a power equalizing behavior, they tend to fall into one of the following categories: - Aggressive- A "fight" response with open, confrontive aggression between the parties.
- Passive Aggressive- A defensive "fight" response that requires the help of others or behind the scenes work that is more dishonest by saying one thing and behaving another way.
- Passive- A "flight" approach that is more mental than physical allowing the passive person to be invisible.
- Powerless- A "flight" response by those who truly feel powerless and rely on others to think and almost act for them.
- Adult to Adult- When a person understands their own power, feels equal to others and wants to resolve the issue by not establishing who is more powerful.
All of us have experienced power struggles in our lives and depending on our method for resolving those struggles determines our success in keeping those relationships we want as healthy as possible. Next week, I will go more in depth on how to use the Adult to Adult method of balancing power struggles at home and work. | 
