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Five Ways To Handle Conflict
"A good manager doesn't try to eliminate conflict; he tries to keep it from wasting the energies of his people. If you're the boss and your people fight you openly when they think that you are wrong - that's healthy." | |
Robert Townsend |
I have had the opportunity to work with many great teachers of conflict resolution over my nineteen years of consulting and training. One of my earliest mentors was Bob Chadwick who taught me how to move a group from conflict to consensus by using his powerful questions and facilitative processes. Bob helped resolve the spotted owl conflict in the Pacific Northwest region of the United States.
Most recently I have been able to use the Thomas-Kilmann conflict mode instrument to my clients better understand their style or mode used most often when trying to resolve conflict. The mode you choose to use is based on the situation that confronts you and your level of skill in that mode. We tend to use one or two modes most often because we have become comfortable and effective at working those modes.
Let me start by defining conflict as any situation in which your concerns or desires differ from those of another person.
Here is a quick overview of the five modes that Thomas-Kilmann identifies:
- Competing- this is when you seek to win a conflict and the other party may lose. A great use of this mode would be in emergency situations like a burning building and you decide to take action for yourself while others may decide to collaborate on a solution.
- Collaborating- this is best used when there is ample time to bring diverse opinions together to create a win-win scenario.
- Compromising- this is used when a quick decision needs to be made to benefit all parties somewhat. Often "splitting the difference" is used as a compromise to move past a conflict.
- Avoid- this is used when someone does not want the pain of confronting a conflict or wants to "buy" time to process the next steps.
- Accommodate- this is yielding to another person or group's wishes because you do not want to confront their decision or you are indifferent to their wishes.
In my work with this tool I was surprised to learn that all five modes are equally effective, if applied in the right situations and with the right skill level. So how do we know when to use each mode?
- Competing is best used when quick action is needed or when an unpopular decision must be made.
- Collaborating is best used when "buy in" from a group is necessary, especially if that group will be implementing the ideas. Also this mode is great for improving relationships.
- Compromise is best used for resolving issues that are really not that important, i.e., what place to eat, etc., or when there are time constraints.
- Avoiding is best used to reduce tensions, buy time or just leave unimportant issues alone.
- Accommodating is best used to "keep the peace", show you are reasonable and create good will.
Thomas-Kilmann's work is a great reminder that we have many more options for confronting and resolving conflict than we currently use. By gaining proficiency in the modes we least prefer, we will be on our way to becoming more productive at work and at home. |
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Diane Amundson is the owner of Diane Amundson & Associates. She works with organizations that want to improve communication so they become more productive. She has been training, speaking and consulting for over nineteen years in the areas of leadership, generational diversity, team building, conflict resolution and strategic planning. She has worked with Fortune 500 Companies like General Mills and Pepsi Cola along with numerous school districts in Minnesota and Wisconsin. She has co-authored a book titled Success Strategies: A High Achiever's Guide to Success. She is a member of the National Speakers Association and has served as Adjunct Professor of Organizational Behavior at Winona State University.
She is a Rotarian that has traveled the world on humanitarian projects in Mongolia, India and Brazil.
Her style of speaking is informative and highly interactive.
Diane Amundson & Associates
Phone: (507)452-2232 Fax:(507)452-0090
24456 County Road 9 Winona, MN 55987 |
