I think one of the most defeating and destructive of all habits is when we repeatedly relive failed moments.
It happens in an unintended instant. Maybe we're already a little low, then run into someone we've disappointed in the past, or recognize ourselves in a hapless, incompetent character on TV, or just see someone ELSE get a traffic ticket, and it transports us back to. . .
. . . that stupid ticket I got for overdue inspection, which reminds me of the:
- 5th grade piano recital I didn't practice for, then choked on stage (my poor music teacher!)
- college clep test I didn't study for -- or pass
- 1997 tax statement that was incorrectly filed and resulted in a penalty (that really stung)
- woefully incomplete, last-minute work presentation that went over like stale bread
- multiple times I should have just been patient and listened to my children/husband/parents/friends
- (fill in with your junk here)
Suddenly, we're festering in regret that we thought had healed over long ago. So while it's there, we poke the wound with a dirty stick to see how much it still hurts.
Soon we're fevered with
shame, anxiety, anger, embarrassment, failure, all over a string of events that happened years ago.
Meanwhile, here in present day life, it's already been a week of rushing to get there, spilling the coffee, missing the deadline, forgetting to call Mom, and hearing at 9:05pm on Saturday night, "The CVS pharmacy is closed after 9pm. You are welcome to visit our nearest 24-hour store conveniently located in Forney. . ."
The weight of today's disappointments burdened down by the worst of our past can crush any motivation, enthusiasm and joy right out of us. We feel snakebit.
How do we recover?
How to find peace in this chaos?
First: Let's recognize that focusing on those withering old memories, adds unnecessary, detrimental weight to them. The recital simply can't be undone; I was eleven. The only power I have is to learn from it (you have to practice if you want to be good! end of story!) and then choose to focus on today.
Second: Admit that the past is not all bad. You have some good memories and positive experiences too, and some hard-earned wisdom that makes you who you are. Acknowledge that this matters.
Third:
Choose to spend today on what you value the most.
One of the happiest and most peaceful times in my life was the night after my first child was born. Please understand, there was a raging sea of chaos awaiting me outside that hospital room -- an enormous, new responsibility for which I was not prepared; a tired and harried husband; lots of relatives wanting to visit and scrutinize my baby to determine which of them he resembled; my body was kind of a train wreck; clients waiting for unfinished work; the financial impact of the birth; a million and one expectations. You can imagine.
But in those hours, in that storm of unresolved details, it was very clear to me exactly where I needed to be. Holding that baby. What a comforting luxury to know beyond any doubt that I was doing the right thing at the right time. (I'll bet you have some memories like this too.)
Isn't that what we all want to know? What is it that we should be doing THIS WEEK with our limited resources, time, energy, money, when everyone wants everything from us all the time, right now? (And don't we need to save a little for ourselves too? Does that matter?) If we only have so much to give, what's most important?
This is the focus of my talk on Thursday (see sidebar). We'll uncover what you value most, then we'll use this knowledge to create YOUR plan for cutting through the chaos. You'll see exactly where you need to be.
I hope to see you there! :)
