Have you read Stephen Covey's book, First Things First? In it he writes about "urgency addiction" -- when reacting to immediate matters becomes the driving force in our lives.*
You know how it goes. We get involved in "putting out fires," then look up, we're wiped out, and another week has past without any time spent on what matters most to us: family, true friends, planning for the future, lasting relationships.
What and who matters to you? Are they getting left behind?
Last week, I had a meeting wherein some healthcare decisions would be made for a beloved family member. It required and deserved my full attention, plus there were vital details to absorb that were a little over my head.
Before, during and after that meeting, here's what else happened:
- Remembered that I forgot to let the dog out. No time to turn around. Felt stupid.
- Repairman arrived ahead of schedule at the house, couldn't get in so he called. Told him how to get in. Worried about that.
- Repairman texted, concerned that insane barking dog inside might bite. Told him it would be ok, but worried about this too.
- Perky receptionist reminds me that I forgot to pre-fill out the 8 (eight!) forms necessary pre-important appointment. Felt dumb for this oversight, gritted teeth, tried to recall entire family's medical history. (What was my dad's birth weight?)
- Meanwhile, youngest child recites the human oddities section of the 2007 Guinness Book of World Records. This seems very important to him at the time. Other waiting room guests appear annoyed.
- Post-appointment, beautiful, young office assistant completely forgets that we're waiting for paperwork/ permission to leave. Sit for a half-life, trying not to burn in resentment.
- Hateful, hateful Dallas traffic conspires against me and I hate it right back.
- (EVERYONE is STARVING RIGHT NOW)
- Arrive back home to find disapproving/harried dog and repairman (yes, both of them) and begin to explain, while. . .
- . . .son mutters something unintelligible and disappears on bike without cell phone or any hint of his intended destination.
- Kind, patient parents call and text while waiting in crowded restaurant -- "Where are you? What do you mean you can't find one of your children? We're STARVING!"
You've been there. Surely. Everything seems supremely important all at once and in equal measure. It's all big, all now. We get so wrapped up in what we're doing that we don't even ask if we need to be doing it.
What matters most? How do we decide?
Mr. Covey observes that we spend time in one of four ways:
1. Important/Urgent - Events such as my doctor meeting, helping an injured child or handling an irate client, these are deadline-driven projects, genuine crises and pressing problems that can't and shouldn't be set aside.
2. Important/Not Urgent - Here's where we prepare, anticipate and prevent problems (like looking at a calendar and rescheduling the repairman?), increase our skills, build relationships and truly re-create. This section adds order, richness and meaning to life, but often misses out on the focused attention that we give to a juicy drama.
3. Not Important/Urgent - Danger! This where the noise of urgency creates the illusion of importance. We get goosed by interruptions, some phone calls and unexpected drop-in visitors, which appear really important right then. Often we're here trying to meet other people's priorities and expectations. (Or the dog's.)
4. Not Important/Not Urgent - Cotton candy for your brain, this includes busywork, scanning through spam emails, "escape" time wasters like mindless tv or getting lost in YouTube videos -- what is it for you?
Where do you spend the majority of your time? This month, I'm challenging us both to invest more of it in our deeper priorities. For me that will mean asking "why am I really doing this?" more often, and releasing some of the junk I hold on to just because it makes me me feel busy or important.
(And to those who wondered: We went through those human oddities later.)
*Note that Mr. Covey wrote his book in 1994, way before texting, IMs or Words with Friends. What did HE know about urgent??!!!
- Penny
