Much of life is hardship. Injustice. Sickness. Pain. And in our times of pain, it just feels false to "act happy."
I've been reading a terrific book about the benefits of cultivating positive emotions. It's titled Positivity, by Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, and it details how this state of mind enhances relationships, improves our health, relieves depression and broadens our minds.
The book is very sciencey -- lots of experiments and data. But for me, one of the most meaningful passages admits that hardships are inevitable, and of course, sadness and grief are often appropriate. But how we respond after the sadness is important too. We can respond with further despair or with hope. It's a defining choice.
Hope acknowledges that bad things can and do happen in life. It also allows for positive emotions to creep back in after the crisis is past. Hope allows us to connect to others again, whereas dwelling in negativity - even wallowing in it - is isolating. Stifling. And oftentimes the start of a downward spiral into depression.
The bottom line is this: People with positivity are resilient. That doesn't mean they are never sad or disappointed. But they find ways to cultivate good feelings even after adversity. They rebound.
So how can we move forward in positivity? This is the topic of my next talk. I'm trying to implement the tactics outlined by Dr. Fredrickson and her research team, and I will admit, they take work. It's not just feel-good cheerleading. Here are a few of her strategies, edited for this publication. If these ideas interest you, I highly recommend reading Positivity.
First and Foremost: Sincerity Matters - Slow down enough so that you can see, feel and genuinely appreciate what is good in your life. Then revel in it. Why? Because positivity that is not felt is fake and empty. And it does you no good. If you're going to give this a try, make it heartfelt.
Find Positive Meaning More Frequently in Daily Life - The "silver lining" to our troubles is often subtle. It takes time and effort to find the good within the bad. But casting the events of your life in a positive manner paves the way for bigger positive emotions. For example, some bereaved people cultivate their positivity by reflecting on the good qualities of their lost loved ones, or by resuming their daily activities and making a difference for others.
Find Big Meaning - What sense do you make of your life as a whole? What story do you tell yourself about why your life has gone the way it has? Does that story energize you or does it hold you down?
Over time, articulate the positive meaning of your life and your ultimate mission so that you have a clearer understanding of how smaller, daily events relate to your unique big picture.
Savor Goodness - This is experiencing positive events in such a way that you willfully generate, intensify and prolong your heartfelt enjoyment of them. For example, if you're talking with a loved one on the phone, get the full benefit of the conversation by turning away from distractions such as the computer or television. Slow down and focus on what/who matters.
Follow Your Passions - Give yourself permission to play. Find the activities that allow you to become fully absorbed and engaged. For me it's yoga or playing the piano. For others, it's wakeboarding or building a new deck. What activity do you enjoy so much that it seems to lift you out of space and time? And when can you do it again?
Dream About Your Future - Conjure up the best possible outcomes for yourself. Visualize your future successes in great detail. What are your dreams?
("I will own a coach consulting firm, learn to play the blues, take my grandchildren to DisneyLand, build a greenhouse and raise orchids, see Jim Gaffigan in concert!")
Dreaming gives you insight into how your everyday goals and motives might fit into your best possible future.
