Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for he is good,
for his steadfast love endures forever!
Psalm 107:1
In the autumn of 2002, my three-year-old son, Andrew, and I were visiting his sister, Elizabeth, while she slept peacefully in her isolette in the neo-natal intensive care unit of Boston's New England Medical Center.
As Andrew and I admired Elizabeth's beautiful tinyness, I invited him to pray for his new sister.
He began, "Dear God, thank you for Andrew and baby Elizabeth."
Recognizing this as one of those teachable moments I said, "Andrew, you're not supposed to pray for yourself when you pray for baby Elizabeth."
Once again, Andrew prayed, "Dear God, thank you for baby Elizabeth, and not Andrew."
Hmmm. I see we have some work to do here.
Melissa and I spend a lot of time and energy trying to build character in our children. Building character is an inside-out, time-consuming, and values-saturated process whose eventual fruit is ethical living. We love who our kids are, but we know we can't just "sit on the sidelines", admiring these precious contributions to creation. God has entrusted us with the responsibility for shaping who they will become.
Among other things, shaping involves instilling values. Getting them inside of our children by teaching and modelling during the ordinary moments of each day, with hopes that each child will eventually live out the core values of the home.
(By-the-way, Peace in the Home conducts workshops for parents on how to identify their values, and come up with their own family vision statement.)
At our house one of those many values is cultivating gratitude in our kids.
Melissa and I want our children to grow up with grateful hearts -- to feel thankful every day for the life God has given them, and to be generous with their expressions of gratitude.
That's a tall order at this time of year! Bombarded by consumerism's messages that "happiness comes from getting stuff", and "you're entitled to get more stuff", Melissa and I try to use this season to teach about gratitude.
"Did you say 'thank you'?"
Cultivating gratitude begins by teaching very young children the habit of saying "thank you". Developmentally, they won't grasp the "why" or the "when", but the roots of the habit will begin forming.
Later as pre-teens and teens, we teach them to express gratitude verbally or in writing, to someone who extended a kindness or provided a service to them.
Earlier this week, a neighbour graciously invited our girls to join their girls on a very special Christmas activity. Five hours later, Rachel and Leah came home tired, but obviously delighted with the experience. What do you think the first thing I asked them when they came in the door?
In restaurants, we tip wait staff for serving us. We tell our children that the tip isn't a tax, but rather an expression of our gratitude.
While abstract concepts won't make sense to younger kids, teens quickly grasp the difference between biblical gratitude and cultural entitlement. And, being teens, they will probably have an opinion about it!
This "most wonderful time of the year" is an especially meaningful time to talk with your kids about gratitude for two disproportionate reasons: theologically, for what God has done within history to redeem his people; and in child rearing, as "insurance" against the seductive lies of consumerism that have a way of oozing into every corner of our children's lives.
In all circumstances?
As teens become adults, and as adults mature, gratitude which began as a simple response to gifts, services and courtesies, now overflows into relationships and circumstances. Not all of them are positive, and some are downright painful. Yet, gratitude is the right response.
As an unmarried unbeliever in 1989, I tried to have a relationship with a young woman to whom I was very attracted, who also just happened to be a Christian. For months, I pursued her with passion and creativity. When our talks veered from my agenda to hers, they quickly revealed that we didn't share the same values, but I figured I could overcome all of that. She wanted to talk to me about faith, having clearly stated at least once that she would never allow herself to have a relationship with a non-believer. I figured I could overcome that! Hastened by my own immaturity, the relationship ended as 1990 wound down. Interestingly, I came to faith six months later. To this day, I am immensely thankful for someone I am convinced God used to grab my attention, and who modelled a genuine faith with courage and conviction. For me, gratitude is the right response.
"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." (1 Thess 5:18)
About a month after Andrew offered his innocent prayer of thanks, our precious baby Elizabeth died during her second month on earth. We were crushed. Some of you know what that feels like.
At an evening Thanksgiving service at our church in Lexington, Massachusetts, we didn't plan to publicly express our gratitude to God for the life of our daughter. It must have been one of those things that God placed on our hearts. People approached us later with tears in their eyes, wondering how we could be anything but angry and bitter so soon after our loss. I didn't have an answer for them at the time, but looking back, genuine gratitude was the right response to a holy and faithful God.
* * *
My Jewish friends have a nice gratitude tradition, called Modeh Ani -- a prayer designed to be the very first words upon rising every day, thanking God for the most precious gift of all -- life.
"I am grateful before You, living and eternal King, for returning my soul to me with compassion. You are faithful beyond measure."
As we prepare to celebrate the birth of Messiah, let us be continually grateful, for the new life that God has graciously given us. Not just on Thanksgiving, not just around Christmas, and not just on the Sabbath, but on every day of every year.
Three things to think about and discuss ...
1. For what and for whom are you currently most grateful?
2. What are some events or circumstances in your life that were negative or painful at the time, but for which you are now immensely grateful? What will you do with that gratitude?
3. Thinking more about relationships or circumstances, have you held back a generous and thoughtful acknowledgement of something that someone has done for you? Go, write, or call and thank that person heartily before the end of the year!
On behalf of the board of directors of Peace in the Home, I am grateful for YOU -- our subscribers, for your support of God's design for the family through us.
Happy Christmas, and blessings on your home!
robert
P.S: If anything here resonated with you, please let us know, while freely sharing it with your friends using the social media buttons at the top of this email. :-)
