March  /  April  2010
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Will the winter of 2010 ever end? I don't know about you, but we're ready for some warm, sunny days. We do have some good news though . . . our new DVD, The 10 Toughest Questions Families and Friends Ask About Addiction and Recovery is finally completed, and available on (more info below). Stay tuned for further news on this DVD and related workshops very soon.

We've selected a brand new set of "Quick Links" for you to explore Did you know that you can access the whole AA Big Book online? For free? Did you know you can find an AA or Al-Anon meeting nearby with the click of a mouse? Did you know that churches all across the country are starting recovery programs?

We finally have a complete listing (with links to listen now) to all Joe's past radio interviews (with titles such as Detachment, and Jail is not the end of the world).

We've met so many wonderful, courageous people through Changing Lives. I hope you take a moment to read A Mother's Painful Lessons Learned--written by one of these special friends. I know her struggles are common to many. Join her as she shares her message of hope with you.

And last but not least, a poignant story from Julie Krow (The Haven). Discover the miracles happening for addicted moms and their babies at the Haven, Denver.

Grace and peace,
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Please keep this email in your inbox to forward to someone you care about. It's an easy way to help a friend or loved-one who may be feeling very alone.Also, feel free to share the coupon with anyone who would like to use it.
A Mother's Painful Lessons Learned

Never give up hope.
I've been inspired over and over by the testimonies of those who have lived through the nightmare of addiction and managed to regain control of their lives. This story comes to us from a woman I recently helped coach through some very tough times. Little did I realize just how tough. I like to try to remember, "you never know just what someone might be going through . . ."

Although it was difficult for her to revisit these experiences, she did
a superb job recounting the past and sharing her insights. But for the grace of God and her wise but painful decisions about how to handle Dan, she could so easily have had one more funeral to attend.

Dan's Story: A Mother's Painful Lessons Learned

It is difficult to think back on the story of my son, Daniel, and his addiction.It is hard to experience once again the pain of that time in my life. Ido so-that I may remember more clearly the lessons I have learned and perhaps help someone else who may be facing this destructive disease.

Although Dan's father and I divorced when Dan was seven, it was in Dan's early middle school years when my family started on his painful
path of using. Perhaps Dan's use started because there was more friction between his parents, or his best friend moved away in 6th grade, or that in six months time Dan went from a little boy to looking like he was eighteen years old. It really doesn't matter how it began, the truth is Dan used because he is an addict. Read entire story

This article is excerpted (pg. 263) from the 2010 revised and updated book "Why Don't They JUST QUIT? What friends and families need to know about addiction and recovery."

New Resource answers the most often-asked questions about addiction and recovery.
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A valuable tool for those who don't have time to wade through volumes of material.
Order one for yourself, a friend or loved-one today!

Watch a short trailer of the DVD

  1. How can I tell . . . if a person is addicted or just a heavy user?
  2. How do I confront this person?
  3. How do I handle adolescent use and abuse?
  4. How do I show my love without enabling?
  5. Does treatment work?
  6. We can't afford treatment. What now?
  7. How do I handle relapse? Will this ever stop?
  8. What if they just can't quit?
  9. I've tried it all. Nothing is working. What now?
10. How do I get MY life back?

For more information and to order your copy

*To arrange for an anonymous copy of the book and/or DVD to be sent (without your return address), please email us.

"Addicts and alcoholics aren't crazy,
and they can quit!

~ Joe Herzanek
People collage
Recent feedback from our readers
(All feedback is posted with permission from the sender. We have changed a few details to protect their anonymity)

Dear Changing Lives,
I would like to thank you for publishing Why Don't They Just QUIT? !   I currently live in Colorado. I am 22 years old. My 19-year-old brother is battling a cocaine addiction. He began selling cocaine out of his home in Kansas. He was selling cocaine in order to make some extra money and to feed his addiction. He started experimenting with drugs at the age of 16, and alcohol before that. His drug addiction caused him to lie to and steal from his family. Because he lived so far away and most of us rarely talked to him we didn't really know how bad his addiction had become until he began calling us weekly to bail him out of jail. Sometimes we did, sometimes we didn't. He is currently in rehab, in Dodge City, KS. After that he has to complete 24 months of intensely supervised probation.
    There is nothing in the world that prepares a family for any of this. I knew that he had a drug problem, but I didn't think that it had gotten to that point. I didn't know how to help, I had no idea where to even start. Even though I knew that he had a problem I was in no way prepared for what was to come. I had no idea that he was selling drugs.
    I would especially like to thank you for including the chapter about and for siblings! My parents are divorced and my father lives in Southern Colorado, I have never had a good relationship with my father. My mom and dad have a severe miscomunication problem. Neither one of them want to call each other do deal with all of the things that we have to do to help my brother. Due to the fact that my parents do not communicate with each other, I have been put in the middle to relay messages from one to the other. This has taken a huge toll on my life as well; my father never calls me unless he wants me to relay a message to my mom about my brother--never calls just to ask how I am. I feel like I have been the forgotten one.
    We also have 3 step-sisters who have drug problems. They all have several kids that are the result of the life that the drugs have lead them down. It kills me that I have watched all 4 of my siblings let their lives go to drugs. I have never used drugs and don't ever want to! I do ocasionally have a drink, but rarely get drunk. I successfully completed high school and college. My brother dropped out of high school, and my sisters graduated from high school but never went on to college. Well, actually they went to college but never made it through the first semester. They now struggle to hold a job and are on welfare--not a life that I like to see my niece and nephews live.
    I truley appreciate your work, and can't thank you enough for writing and publishing this book!!! You have touched the lives of many people, whom you have never even met! You have a gift! 

H.L. from Colorado

Dear Changing Lives,
I ordered your book because a dear friend of mine relapsed after more than 20 years of sobriety, and I was at a loss as to how to deal with her issues.  She is now about one month sober again, and doing well, but she did hit bottom before she was able to reach out for the help that had always been there. Thanks for the very helpful insights. We are all praying for her... one day at a time. 

Carol W., Newberry, MI.

Dear Changing Lives,
. . . the book (Why Don't They Just Quit) arrived the other day and I am enjoying every page. I also wanted to express how much the card you sent, urging me to 'not quit' meant to me. The timing of it's arrival could not have been more perfect. You are touching hearts with your work and I'm glad I found you on the internet.

Thanks again, the divine love you share makes a difference.

Blessings from New Mexico,

 Recovery Now! Logo
Listen Now!
Over the past couple years I have taped various radio interviews. Among these were several with a wonderful weekly show called "Recovery Now!" Host Ned Wicker and I engage in easygoing discussions covering a multitude of topics.

Jail is Not the End of the World!
Chaplain Joe Herzanek has much experience with this topic as he has spent the last 17 years working at the Boulder County Jail helping those struggling with addiction to overcome it.
30 min.
Listen Now

Step 6: Ready to Have God Remove Defects
Joe Herzanek discusses Step 6 of the Twelve Step program: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. A subtle but very key step in recovery.
30 min. 
Listen Now

Step 7: Humbly Asked Him to Remove Shortcomings
Joe Herzanek discusses Step 7 of the Twelve Step program: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. This step really increases the changes in a person's life as they move into recovery from addiction.
30 min.
Listen Now


Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone you love is to detach from them.
30 min.  Listen Now

"Is There A Conflict Between Christianity and the Twelve Steps?"
Joe Herzanek discusses the relationship between Christianity and the 12-step program of recovery and how they are related.
30 min.  Listen Now
(Click here to read all twelve steps).

Step 12: Staying Connected
Giving back and staying connected are the key parts of the last step in the 12-Step process. How do you stay in recovery?
30 min. Listen Now
(Click here to read all twelve steps).

A Summary of All the 12 Steps
A quick review of each step and why you need each one to recover from addiction and to avoid relapse. We've gone through each of the steps now, and this time we review all with Joe Herzanek, author of "Why Don't They Just Quit?"
30 min. Listen Now
(Click here to read all twelve steps).

Why Don't They Just Quit?
Joe Herzanek discusses "Why Don't They Just Quit?" a book and DVD set he has developed to explain all aspects of drug addiction and alcoholism.
30 min. Listen Now

Ned Wicker.LG
Ned Wicker/Host: Recovery Now!
Addictions Chaplain
Waukesha Memorial Hospital Lawrence Center
Waukesha, WI


(Sept. 15 & 22 Recovery Now! shows, plus Joe's 60 minute interview with Berk Lewis "Next Step Radio")

Email us at:
Ask for the FREE AUDIO CD, include your name and mailing address.

Find us on Facebook

  The Window
The Haven is our all-time favorite recovery program for women. A visit to this facility is all it takes to fall in love with the Moms, the babies and this "incredibly successful recovery program." Click on the links at the bottom for more info and a couple great clips.

The Window
By Julie Krow: Chief Operating Officer
and Haven Director

Early in my career I was a child protection caseworker and one of my first assignments was to investigate alleged substance use and domestic violence in a home with three young children. I had an address for an apartment building and wondered how I would find the family I was looking for. As I pulled up to the apartment building I saw people lingering on the lawn, discarded liquor bottles and trash everywhere, and a window.

There was something about that window that caught my eye. There was a screen blowing loosely in the wind and a small child's legs were protruding from the window. I saw tiny hands clutching a damaged window frame. In a moment, I knew that I had located the family.  Read more

Baby Haven
Issue: 7
In This Issue
A Mother's Painful Lessons Learned
Jail is Not the End of the World. Listen Now!
"The Window" By Julie Krow/The Haven
Ask Joe: My husband is growing pot
Quick Links

Ask Joe

Tiny Joe Smile

Q  Dear Joe:

How do I speak to someone about this? I am a long time Al-Anon but with the new laws about pot in CO my husband has a medical certificate to "use" and is growing it on our property with  hope to sell. This is certainly not what I signed up for.

--TC, Greeley, CO

Dear TC,
You are not alone. Many in your Al-Anon community are experiencing the same thing. Switching or continuing to smoke weed is not going to help or work. It is sure not recovery. I would stay with Al-Anon. If the current group you are going to is not helpful then find another group. Also, get a sponsor that has a good program and you can confide in.
Best,  Joe

We've added even more "Ask Joe" Q&A to our revised edition of Why Don't They Just Quit?

Did You Miss an Issue?


In it you will find:



- Q&A "ASK JOE" -


& Updated
2010 Edition
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Added material includes:

More Q&A with Joe

A must-read,
 real-life story
from a Colorado mother

Additional resources

Updated material throughout


Best Self-help Book 2008
Next Generation Indie Book Awards

NIEA Finalist Award

Health Category
National Indie Excellence Awards

All New!

Quick Links

AA Grapevine

Dad On Fire
(On fire about the impact of addiction and the need for solutions)

Came to Believe Retreats

Came To Believe:
for AA, Al-Anon, NA and their families--to get well!


About Recovery

Addiction resources by state.
National helpline available
24 hours a day.


Al-Anon Logo

Al-Anon Group Finder
(Finding a group you like is kind of like finding a church you like--you may have to try a few different meetings.)

AA Grapevine

AA Grapevine
The international journal of Alcoholics Anonymous, with thousands of stories and letters from those finding a solution to alcoholism.


Big Book Online

AA Big Book Online
Complete text of "Alcoholics Anonymous" also known as "The Big Book" is available in English, French, and Spanish.

Wisdom of the Rooms

The Wisdom of the Rooms
Your favorite 12 Step Quotes and Sayings
Collected in One Place.


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Check past newsletters for many other great links.

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our resource links.

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*Disclaimer: The information provided in this email is for educational purposes only. The views expressed herein are those of the author only. Knowing that each person's situation is different it is very important that you meet with/consult a professional in this field before acting on any perceived advice given.

Chaplain Joe Herzanek
Changing Lives Foundation