Please forgive us for our last newsletter. We experienced a big link issue with broken links from here to our blog. For example, many of you clicked on "read more" from our Feature Story and were sent to an "unknown page." We have just repaired all broken links and are resending for that reason. Please don't think we will be clogging up your mailboxes during this busy time.

I did add something that we believe will help you get through these holidays with your sanity though! Scroll to the bottom to read "Letting go."

November  /  December  09
Changing Lives Foundation Header
Where did the Summer go? Colorado is a "Winter Wonderland" as I look out the window. Again, we've spent some time carefully putting this newsletter together for you. I hope you take a minute to check out our article on siblings, a completely revised Resources List, a new Ask Joe, "Should my husband back off?" and please scroll all the way down to listen to a nice music video titled "Last Call To Alcohol."

Please keep this email in your inbox to forward to someone you care about. It's an easy way to help a friend or loved-one who may be feeling very alone during this often stressful season.


Joes signature


Siblings: The Forgotten Ones
How siblings get hurt

I was blind to how
my actions were affecting
my brother and two sisters.

--Joe Herzanek

Siblings often find themselves caught in the middle of the recovery process. In the story of the prodigal son, a father waits and watches expectantly for the return of his wayward child. The boy left home and not only squandered his inheritance, but also wasted a big chunk of his life. But there is so much more to the story. As we take a closer look at the entire family, we see that "the rest of the story" can apply to families and siblings today who are struggling with the early stages of recovery.

I know from firsthand experience how siblings can suffer. During my addiction, I was blind to how my actions were affecting my brother and two sisters. Actually, the entire family did not understand what was happening. Even now, more than thirty years later, some members of my family remain bitter, and we have never been able to resolve those hard feelings.

There is only so much time in any given day and when there is one high-maintenance family member, often the other children are neglected. Parents have a limited amount of energy for each day, and then they reach a point of exhaustion. In my case, which again is not unique, I received more than my share of attention. I, like many other addicts, was a very needy person. My life was one crisis after another. There were many occasions when I needed money. I drained my parents of their finances as well as their time and energy. Who suffered? At the time, it was far from obvious, but as I look back it is clear that my brother and sisters--basically good, low-maintenance kids--were the innocent victims. Read more*

*NOTE: We've been having trouble with the above "Read more" link-for PC users. If you have a problem getting to the rest of the article, click on one of these links "Why Don't They Just Quit?" or "Changing Lives"  and click on the BLOG button. Scroll down to the article (it's about 3 or 4 articles down). Sorry for the problem (clearing your cache can sometimes take care of the problem as well).
This article is excerpted from the book "Why Don't They JUST QUIT?"

Forward to a Friend

"It's better to light a candle
than curse the darkness."

~ Eleanor Roosevelt, First Lady

Find us on Facebook
Now you can join our
Facebook Fan Page.

Thanks to all who have signed up for our
Why Don't They Just Quit? Book and DVD Fan Page!
We now have 55 "followers"
and we are growing every day.

This is where you will find interesting news items and recovery-related posts--sort of an extension of this newsletter. You can also comment and post
your own "discoveries" for others to enjoy.

If you still haven't joined Facebook,
I assure you. . . if I can do it, anyone can!
~ Joe


Jail Necklace

"I will never forget when we met and prayed together."

Below is a nice note I recently received from a woman who was leaving the Jail. It's this kind of encouragement that "makes my day."

Chaplain Joe Herzanek

Dear Joe,
I've read your book "Why Don't They Just Quit?" and it's the best self-help informational, motivational and daily reference book I've ever read. I would greatly appreciate it if you could get me one that I can take with me when I leave the jail. I leave on Sept. 29, 2009 and I want to carry your book with me everywhere. I've "got it" and recovery is now my main and only priority when I get out of Jail.
I'm going to meetings, treatment and doing testing daily. Your book is such a positive influence on me, very impactful and it will help with my recovery on a daily basis. It's one of my "must haves"! I want to use it for continuous reference, relating and support--kind of a daily devotional recovery book for me.
Thank you so much for all you do. You have been so positive for me and I will never forget when we met and prayed together. I would also like to do that again if you have time.
Thank you so much.
Hope to see and pray with you one last time before I go. If not, please pray for me.

~ Melissa

". . . for wisdom (discernment)
is more precious than rubies,
nothing you desire
can compare with her."

~ Proverbs 7:11
 Recovery Now! Logo
Listen Now!

Click here to listen to Brand New show 
"Is there a conflict between Christianity and the Twelve Steps?"
(see all Twelve Steps).

Over the past couple years I have taped various radio interviews. Among these were several with a wonderful weekly show called "Recovery Now!"

Host Ned Wicker and I have engaged in easygoing discussions which cover a multitude of topics.

Step 12: Staying Connected
Giving back and staying connected are the key parts of the last step in the 12-Step process. How do you stay in recovery?
30 min. Click here for the Program

A Summary of all the 12 Steps
A quick review of each step and why you need each one to recover from addiction and to avoid relapse. We've gone through each of the steps now, and this time we review all with Joe Herzanek, author of "Why Don't They Just Quit?"
30 min. Click here for the Program

New! Have been recorded: coming soon!
Step 6 of the Twelve Step program: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. A subtle but very key step in recovery.

Step 7 of the Twelve Step program: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. This step really accelerates change in a person's life as they move into recovery from addiction.

Ned Wicker.LG
Ned Wicker/Host: Recovery Now!
Addictions Chaplain
Waukesha Memorial Hospital Lawrence Center
Waukesha, WI


(Sept. 15 & 22 Recovery Now! shows, plus Joe's 60 minute interview with Berk Lewis "Next Step Radio")

Email us at:
Ask for the FREE AUDIO CD, include your name and mailing address.

~ Last Call To Alcohol ~

Last call for alcohol

Last call to alcohol. A story of addiction and recovery.
A goodbye letter to my alcoholic past.

Emphasizes how to move to new steps
and celebrates finding tools to recovery.

Video shot at Seabreeze Tavern at Rio Del Mar Beach, Aptos.
Original music written and composed by Keaven Shine.
Video by Denise Gallant, Video4.

Dedicated to the alumna group of CHOMP in Monterey and Make My Day group in Watsonville and Stag 11 Aptos.

Watch now . . .

Forward to a Friend

"Be kinder than necessary,
for everyone you meet
is fighting some kind of battle."

~ Unknown
Issue: 5
In This Issue
Siblings: The Forgotten Ones: How siblings get hurt
Now you can join our Facebook Fan Page
I will never forget when we met and prayed together.
Two New Radio Interviews
~ Last Call To Alcohol ~ Music Video
Ask Joe: "Should my husband back off?"
New Resource Links

Ask Joe

Tiny Joe Smile

Q  Dear Joe:
 My son went to rehab for 30 days and just got out of jail (45 days). He is back living with my husband and me. My husband calls him constantly during the day to see what he is doing, He averages at least once an hour.  When my son gets ready to go out for a walk or a bike ride, my husband right away is on him with 20 questions.
Am I wrong to think that all the questions and constantly checking on my son is pushing him back into trouble? When my son went to jail, he had a
fight with his dad and ended up getting caught doing drugs. He ended up getting arrested and we did leave him there for the 45 days (His drug of choice is heroin).  I feel that my husband needs to back off or my son will be back to the drugs. How are we supposed to treat our son?
I have read your book and really learned a lot from it. I even passed it along to a friend of mine that was going through her son's problem with vicodin and alcohol.
Walking on eggshells in Illinois,

~ Julie E.,
Chicago, Ill


Did You Miss an Issue?


In it you will find:



- Q&A "ASK JOE" -

book with ribbon black.jpg

Best Self-help Book 2008
Next Generation Indie Book Awards

NIEA Finalist Award

Health Category
National Indie Excellence Awards

  Changing Lives Rssource Page

We've updated
our resource links page.

Visit our blog for:













Small book with sticker black

Join Our Mailing List


Quick Links

Changing Lives Foundation Header
Support Group
 for individuals, friends and families who are looking to connect during life's challenging times.
Share personal experiences, evaluate information and get support during times of need, illness, treatment or recovery.


About Recovery
Addiction resources by state. National helpline available 24 hours a day.


Al-Anon Group Finder
(Finding a group you like is kind of like finding a church you like--you may have to try a few different meetings.)


About Recovery

How to find a meeting using
(A large global database of local 12 step fellowship meetings in your area.)


Recovery Music
Recovery Arts Blog
(packed with tons of recovery-related film, music, art info and testimonials).

Strength Hope
Sober Inspirations
(very cool inspirations delivered to your email daily.  Free).


"God will light your path,
one step at a time."

~ Alan Ahlgrim,
Lead Pastor
Rocky Mountain Christian Church, Niwot, CO

Twitter Bird
Letting go

Letting go.

Today I will practice detachment by letting go of things I can't control.

Detachment means standing back and looking at a situation without having a hand in it. Watching fireworks is practicing detachment. Flying a kite is not. Allowing friends the freedom to have their own opinions is practicing detachment. Feeling compelled to change their minds is not. Watching a child create her own drawing is practicing detachment. Holding her hand while she draws is not.

I can't control other people, their actions, or their beliefs by forcing them to act or believe as I do. Detachment helps me see the big picture, since I can see things more clearly from a distance.

Today, and from now on, I will practice taking care of myself by detaching from people or situations that aren't good for me. Today I will pay close attention to when I am trying to force the issue, and I'll remember that my time would be better spent leaving it alone

These words of wisdom came to me from the "There is always hope" Facebook Fan Page.

Chaplain Joe Herzanek
Changing Lives Foundation
*Disclaimer: The information provided in this email is for educational purposes only. The views expressed herein are those of the author only. Knowing that each person's situation is different it is very important that you meet with/consult a professional in this field before acting on any perceived advice given.