The month of February includes Valentine's Day, a day of the year when some feel obliged to manufacture romance and connections according to Hallmark, etc. (Maybe I'm a little cynical.) Others are genuinely inspired to take the time to celebrate their love in a special way.  I'd like you to think about a new way to look at this very traditional day.  How can you bring more joy, more love and more connection to all your close relationships on February 14th, and for the rest of your life?
 

I am a relationship coach, but I was not always so aware of what I was doing in my relationships.  Do the words stubborn, unable to apologize, or always wanting to be right apply to you?  They certainly did to me in my worst moments.  And what they all have in common is being "I" centered.  I'm right.  You're wrong.  I don't want to appear weak or admit wrong-doing.  How do I come out "the winner?" This wasn't always my conscious intention but it was the driving force behind some of my thoughts and actions, especially when there was conflict.
 

I have learned the hard way that my relationships are NOT best served by trying to be right all the time.  They are best served by doing things FOR THE SAKE OF THE RELATIONSHIP.            
 

I'll use the relationships with my daughters as an example:

As they have gotten older and married, moving out of the house and into their own lives, our relationships have changed.  Those changes have brought us to a new, more mature and friendly place.  Each relationship is different and has its own needs.  The relationships' needs include acceptance of their spouse (I love my son-in-laws!), open-mindedness when they share their new ideas, acceptance of our differences, and most importantly, seeing my children as competent and capable adults who don't need my interference! 
 

If I take the time to make a conscious choice of doing or saying one thing or another, I make the choice that benefits our relationship every time.  This took practice at being conscious of my thoughts and actions. I am far from perfect, but I am getting better at it all the time.  I am able to consciously chose NOT to interfere, NOT to impose my influence, but to offer my perspective/opinion if they want it. I will quickly apologize if I do something that makes them feel uncomfortable or upset. I try to listen more than I speak, to make them feel heard and valued.
 

For the sake of the relationship, I will gladly be there for them- as their sounding board when they need to vent, their MOM when they want advice, their friend when they want to celebrate, etc.  It's all for the sake of the relationship, which I cherish so deeply. I also get so much in return: their friendship, their support, their love.
 

Now it's your turn.  What will you consciously choose to do for the sake of YOUR relationships?  What positive steps will you take?    

Here are some tools to raise your emotional intelligence: Acceptance, Acknowledgment, Appreciation, Attentive Listening, Open-mindedness, Respect, Truth/Honesty, Forgiveness, Caring and Empathy. 

Share your goals with me by sending a reply to this newsletter.   

You may also join me on a free tele call on Feb 24th.   

Good luck and Happy Valentine's Day, Month, Year, Lifetime...

Monica Leggett

203-209-5462

monica@newstepslifecoaching.com