New Steps Life Coaching
Monica Leggett, CPCC
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Step Into Your Life!
Life coaching insights to guide, inspire and empower
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This month: Better Relationships Through Positive Intentions
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Feb, 2010
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Greetings!
Relationships energize me. I love to be connected to people, and to connect people who I think will benefit from each others friendship or business relationship.
Relationships can be fun and they can also be the number one anxiety producer of your life! Today's article will hopefully give you a tool to overcome that, or at least identify ways to improve things. You also have an opportunity to attend a free teleconference (see info).
I've been accused of being a Goodie Two Shoes most of my life. It has its good and bad points. I think deep down what causes me to wear that label proudly is that I look to see the Good in all people and see how I can work With them, not Against them. It involves empathy and being other-focused while also taking care of myself.
What drives you and your relationships? Take my challenge and maybe you'll see who is at the driver's seat.
Best wishes for great relationships, and I hope to Hear you on the call March 11.
Monica
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This Week's Blog
 A Confession for the SoulI never knew how invested I was in being right. I joke with my husband
of almost 30 years- "you know it will turn out that I was right." And
often I am. But when I am wrong, I never realized how defensive I was
getting. Change the subject, or defend my actions, I'd find some way to
deflect ever having to say, "You're right. I apologize." Go to my blog for the full story! www.newstepslifecoaching.blogspot.com
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Better Relationships Through Positive Intentions
"I am not what happened to me...I am what I choose to become." Carl G. Jung
I like to get inspired by quotes. This time I was looking for a quote to inspire me on the subject of relationships. I decided that if "I am what I choose to become," then my relationships are what I choose them to be as well.
How do we set a goal for a relationship? How do you decide what "better" would look or feel like?
I started coaching brides over the last few months and I have learned that if you set a certain intention for the way you wish to be with someone, you can influence the way they respond to you as well, and thus your relationship changes for the better.
For example, if I want to get someone's opinion about some event, but I really want it to turn out only MY way, then I am not really listening to the other person for any reason. But if I am open to influence, open-minded enough to hear others' suggestions or respect their point of view, I might actually see that their way or a compromise might be better than MY way! It will certainly let the other person feel honored and respected. The results of that can affect your relationship forever!
If I am staunchly committed to MY way or NO way, then why bother being in a relationship! This way of doing things creates all sorts of roadblocks to good will and negative toxins in a relationship. John Gottman, PhD, wrote a book 10 years ago called, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work." (And it's great for everyone, not just married couples!) In it, he defines the 4 major toxins of relationship to be Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. I like to add assumptions, judgment, jealousy and holding a grudge.
Instead of wearing these toxins on your sleeve, I have created a list of many positive intentions that you can adopt, one at a time or several together, which will release the toxins and roadblocks and allow for a new type of relationship. They will come as no surprise: Acceptance, Understanding, Respect, Compassion, Forgiveness, Selflessness, Empathy, Appreciation, Acknowledgment, Collaboration, Inquiry/Awareness, Other-focused, Open-mindedness, Good listening, and Willingness to be influenced. That's a long list, but if you review it and think about which one(s) you'd like to try on for size, you'll see ways that they will make a difference in your relationships.
Here is your challenge. Identify one positive intention that you can commit to holding for the next few weeks in all your relationships- at work and at home. Notice where you slip, and also notice where you justify not keeping your intention. What is going on there? I'm not asking you to accept all blame, get stepped on by those you relate with, or any other subservient behavior. I'm asking you to see where you can align with people and build on that. It is the premise of much of the relationship coaching work I have studied at the Center for Right Relationships.
I don't normally make guarantees, but I can guarantee this exercise will open you heart and mind to what you would really like your relationships to be like.
Good luck!
If you would like to understand more about this subject, please attend my free Teleclass on March 11. Details below.
If you would like to explore this through a one-on-one free consultation, give me a call. 203-209-5462
Monica Leggett, CPCC
Personal and Relationship coach for any challenge or transition in your life.
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Suggested reading:
"Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work,"
John Gottman, PhD and Nan Silver
"Loving What Is," Byron Katie
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Free Teleclass March 11, 2010 7-8 pm EST
Better Relationships Through Positive Intentions
This is a one hour phone call on a conference phone line. I will walk attendees through an exercise and discussion about relationship toxins and positive intentions. Anyone is welcome to attend, feel free to forward this to friends and family. Please email me to register and get the handout ahead of time. The call starts at 7pm EST. If you would like to know more or you cannot attend on that particular day or time, please let me know.
monica@newstepslifecoaching.com
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"I release the need to blame anyone. I accept the people around me as they are." Louise Hay
Thanks for reading and I hope you gained some new insights and tips. Please share your ideas and feedback with me. If there is a topic you would like to see covered on these pages please let me know!
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Sincerely,
Monica Leggett, CPCC
New Steps Life Coaching
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Monica Leggett, CPCC
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