I try to keep a professional distance from my clients' lives, but if there is anything coaching has taught me, it's that, although each of us travels a unique path of experiences, we often end up meeting at the same stops.
"Linda" was a committed, intelligent, career and family woman, bravely preparing for an impending empty nest. Her visions for the future were exciting and spoke to fulfillment and adventure, even some liberating fun. When we began our session, it was all about making those dreams come to fruition, and she was practically standing on her ear to get started. (I love that!)
As the hour progressed and she listed even greater expectations for the coming months, Linda's tone began to darken with agitation. It was clear she was already disappointed in what she hadn't yet been able to accomplish. (Linda is a FORCE and has HIGH standards.)
But when the discussion took an unexpected turn to family and children, particularly the teen who still lives at home, her stress floated away like a mist, her language glowed with warm pride and comfort.
After just a few pointed questions, the remainder of our session shifted to glorious. "HE (her youngest son) is where my satisfaction is right now," Linda heard herself discover. "He is an absolute priority. That is the majority of my heart. That's all my heart!"
(Here I was biting my tongue! This is the magic moment! Go Linda Go!!!)
"I want to be on my upswing as he goes off to college. But thinking about this makes me see that his leaving is not very far away. In eighteen months he'll be gone! The accomplishments I want for myself are great, but right now what I really want is to focus on him -- a loving home, hot meals, giving him a shoulder or an ear when he needs it."
And that was that. She'd found her priority. Truly, I never could have guessed that this is the way our time together would resolve. She said these very words.
"Giving him a hot breakfast and having him leave for school feeling taken care of: That's the most valuable thing I can do with my life right now. There's no recognition for that kind of work, but whatever else does or doesn't get done doesn't matter compared to my connection with him. I'll know I've done my most important work."
Thankfully, this was a phone session, so she couldn't see my hand go to my heart, the tears welling in my eyes. In that brief moment, I was her, she was me.
I gave no opinions or advice; that's not my job. I just asked more questions, helped reframe and refine, support and sometimes challenge her conclusions. I allowed her the freedom to talk through her thoughts and doubts, hear herself and acknowledge what she really wants.
What Linda doesn't know is, that call changed my life. Or at least my mornings for the next few years. I'd been coached.
We hung up and I resolved to take a breath, set my own plans, busyness and annoyances aside, and release the weekday mornings to getting my own teenaged boys fed, somewhat organized and peaceably out the door.
This mindfulness sets the tone for their day. I made no announcement of my intention, but the boys noticed a change immediately: the cooked breakfast, the permission slips already signed, band booster check written out before the frantic deadline. My example encourages them to get their own things in order too, but without the usual preaching.
Like Linda, I have so little time left with these long-legged creatures, and I don't want them to remember their childhood home as a harried, angry, train wreck. Right now, this is one of the things that matters most to me. So thank you, Linda. Next session is on me. :)
Of course, your life is different from mine and so are your priorities. If you want to refine or even redefine what matters most in your life right now, I hope you'll join me for my next LifeInspired free coaching session (see sidebar). Now is the perfect time, really you don't want to wait on this, do you? (And besides, the studio is warm and there are blankets. . . )
