Do you remember your favorite teacher? Mine was Ms. Peacock. I had her for high school English. She was funny, smart, kind, witty, insightful, attractive, encouraging and always -- ok, usually -- in control of her class. I remember watching her teach and thinking, "She's really got it all."
She had charisma: That intoxicating, perfectly-mixed cocktail of strength and warmth.
I'm reading a terrific new book that insists balancing these two aspects of human behavior is the key to successfully navigating our society, maybe even the magic formula. The book is Compelling People: The Hidden Qualities That Make Us Influential.
Its authors tell us very plainly what we need in order to hold the positive attention of our friends, peers, family, bosses and loved ones -- or at least how to become a little more socially proficient. Here you go:
Strength
This is the ability and the will to make things happen. It encompasses talent, skill, willpower, grit and drive. We respect people who embody strength, and usually choose them as our leaders.
Of course, too little strength makes us appear weak and ineffectual, but lots of strength and no warmth makes us seem like a self-interested jerk, such as (insert your least favorite political figure here).
Warmth
This is what people feel when they realize you share their interests and concerns. If you have warmth, people know you as empathetic and understanding of their perspective.
But warmth with no strength means -- a well-worn doormat!
As you're reading these descriptions, do you already know which quality makes up most of your presence? Which are you lacking, and when?
It's an important question to think about if you are interested in making a good impression, and especially if you're dissatisfied with the way you interact with others.
When I think about the people I admire most, they're each a mix of warmth and strength. This month, I'm looking to these folks (along with Ms. Peacock) as my pattern:
- the tiger mom who lovingly wraps her son's bruises, then cheers him back out on to the hockey field
- the doctor who tirelessly fights disease, but finds time to be kind to his patients
- the business owner who's a leader in the community, but spends 'Monday FunDay' with her pre-schooler
- the alpha-type executive who comes home to teach his children charity and compassion
- the grandmother who knows how to butcher a hog AND makes the most delectable coconut chess pie
Who are the most compelling people you know? I'd love to hear who they are, why you admire them, and how you plan to add some of their characteristics to your life.
Email me at pennyrackley@mac.com. :)
