"Have you seen the construction on 2499? It's a disaster!"
"What do you mean we have to move next month? I just got the house the way I like it!"
"Can you believe our favorite teacher is on maternity leave for the rest of the year? What about US?"
"I like life the way it is. I don't want to grow up/graduate/change jobs/let my kids leave home/retire/get old/(you fill in the blank)!"
If there is one thing we can count on, it's that change is coming. It's the nature of our human existence. We can resist and fight and pout and deny all we want, but Life Means Change.
How can we strengthen ourselves, become more resilient and better emotionally equipped for these upsetting inevitabilities?
One way is to make our current lives less complicated -- "clean house" so that there's more room to absorb and appropriately respond to the unexpected. The fewer distractions we have, the freer we are to make wise decisions when the time comes.
The trick is to do our cleaning ahead of time. (Now.) I promise, you won't regret it.
All of a sudden, I recently was blindsided by one of these unanticipated Big Life Emergencies. Something that required Immediate Focus. Clarity. The ability to make weighty choices quickly.
In the following days, I was so thankful and relieved for all that I'd cleared out. There was room to breathe -- unclouded freedom to really think on my feet.
What can you clean out of your life this month? It's difficult, I know. We hold on to long-faded relationships, impractical and high-maintenance things, painful but still-vivid memories -- even when they aren't useful or instructive anymore.
If "cleaning out" scares you, consider approaching the idea as though you are your own wise friend, best advocate and shrewdest manager, then really look around. Search your life for these distractions:
Guilt or resentment from the past
Are you fretting over something that can't be changed or undone? A bad grade, failed love affair, job that was just wasn't a good fit -- we all have experiences that haunt us. Ask yourself:
- What will I gain by continuing to worry over this experience? (And what will I lose?)
- What's the first step to letting it go?
- By what date do I want to let it go?
I have to give special credit to my wise and compassionate friend Traci for helping me with this kind of thing over and over again. She looks me in the face and says, "Are you kidding? Why are you still worrying over the dog you couldn't control/the scary movie your kid shouldn't have seen/the dinner you ruined while lingering over Pinterest? Move ON, SISTER!" (I love her!)
Things you don't want or need
Is your living space full of too many useless things, just because other people expect you to keep them? Does your "stuff" make you feel at home or does it just nag to be cleaned and put away again? If so, ask:
- Why am I keeping this? (If you don't know why, give it away.)
- How would I feel if I woke up tomorrow and this thing was gone? (If you'd feel better, give it away.)
- Could someone else enjoy or make better use of this thing? (If so, give it away.)
If the idea of getting rid of posessions makes you anxious, try this: Walk through your place with a large empty box or bag and put anything in it that you no longer like or want to wear, use or look at, and is unnecessary to daily living. Once it's full, put the box out of sight (a closet, the garage, attic). Whatever hasn't been missed after a month should be donated or thrown out.
I promise you, this exercise gets easier and easier. It's fun and relieving to get rid of extra things that other people genuinely need, like and will use. (Do you really need two cheese graters? I'm telling the truth; last month I gave away two cheese graters, a colander and several duplicate baking pans to someone who really wanted them. It felt great!!! Why was I holding on to all that extra stuff?? I don't miss it.)
In March, I'll speak more about simplifying our lives, and share some practical, do-able ways you can make it happen. Watch for details in next month's newsletter.
One more thing: Thanks again for reading, and a special thanks to all of you who let me know what you think about my articles and send suggestions for future newsletters. Your comments are always encouraged and appreciated. :)
