Swimming Sideways Mood Lady

In October 2010, my first newsletter entitled, Swimming Sideways, was sent out. (For those who missed it, you're welcome to catch up here.) Boy, was that a time of transition for me. That Swimming Sideways stage is a healthy part of the transition process. It's when we are right between Letting Go (naturally, I have a newsletter on that one too!--here it is in case you missed it) and the Welcoming It In stage (which is yet to come in newsletter form). Swimming Sideways is when we are gathering our strength, sorting things out for ourselves. It's when we don't have all the answers and that can feel scary. It's also when we don't have all the answers and that can be liberating. We can just float along. The shore is there and we can see it in the distance. But it's not time to go forward. It's time to swim sideways here for awhile.

When I wrote about that in-between stage the first time, I was RIGHT in the middle of it myself. It WAS confusing and I really wanted the answer. I had to remind myself not to rush the process--just to lie back and continue to swim sideways instead of trying to fight the tide and swim before it was time. Since I first wrote about it, much has changed in my life. I am no longer living in two places. I am no longer holding on to a job that didn't quite fit my 'new' life. I am no longer living in a 'temporary' place until I find something that feels more like home. So, LOTS of things have happened. And I see how much I needed that time to Swim Sideways -- that time to be 'in between'. With that time I was able to get a lot of clarity about what felt 'right'. It wasn't about finding the magic answer or figuring it all out. It was much more about hanging out in the unknown for a while and letting things settle before I took any action.

I have also been seeing this and paying particular attention to it in my work with clients. I see that there is SOOOOO much to be learned and appreciated in the Swimming Sideways stage--in this in between stage before you know what that new thing is or at least before you begin it. When you don't let things settle, when you don't give yourself space to just float along for awhile, not having the answers, you're missing out on valuable information and a very rich time of learning. And it's tempting to skip over this stage. It's difficult, sometimes, to slow down and be in the space where there aren't a lot answers, but instead MANY questions.

I see often with clients that they go directly to wanting to find THE answer. They want to know the next step. WHERE am I supposed to go and WHAT should I be doing to get there, I can hear them saying even when they aren't actually saying it. I can hear their frustration, I can hear their desire to be somewhere else, again to have the magic answer, the key, the ability to flip the switch so that everything is in place.  

When you're looking for that magic answer lots of things go by unnoticed. When you're wondering if you should be doing something other than what you are doing, you lose energy. It's like you get further from where you  actually are because you're sure you're supposed to be somewhere else. Confusing, right? I know. I got confused just writing that. But I know it's true. When you are so focused on the answers, a lot of time you don't even give yourself the chance to hear the questions. And those questions are sooooo important. Sometimes they give you an opportunity to look at things you never even thought of before.

So my invitation for you this month is to be aware of the Swimming Sideways stage. This is really a perfect time for it. You might think you have all the answers in terms of what you need to be doing to be that 'perfect' person so that 2012 will be 'perfect'. Even if you have all the answers, take some time this month to float on your back for a while, to look at the view, to see what's around that gives you energy and to see if there are any sharks around wanting to TAKE your energy. And if you still don't have the answers to the questions of what you want out of 2012, then, that's perfect too. Take this time to NOT try to figure things out. Swim around a little and let things settle. This isn't about doing nothing, exactly. But it's about asking those questions and not being bothered about not having the answers. It's about reflecting and exploring and discovering...