Playing with ALL the selves inside YOU
ALL Selves Mood Lady
I recently went to a breakthrough coaching workshop. It was an amazing experience. The three days were full of the workshop participants peeling off layers of ourselves. YIKES! That sounds scary when I write it like that. Well, I don't mean literally, of course, but you might still think it sounds scary. In some ways it was. You should've seen me right before--I was nervous! We never know what the amazing coach leading the workshop, Jesse Koren, will do while we are up on stage. Or we he will have us do, I should say. But we all knew we were safe so we allowed those layers to be peeled off. We were even eager to do so. We knew that some of that stuff we were carrying around just wasn't necessary anymore and was ultimately just holding us back.
I know about this process as that is what coaching is all about. Looking at old patterns and beliefs that don't serve us and replacing them with ones that do. This isn't an easy process in the beginning because we are so sure what we do, what we have always done and what we think and have always thought is the truth. We can't see that it might just be some old belief or thought. And it takes time and practice and often lots of help to see that it is not something we believe any longer. Once we get that, it is SO empowering.
I have been going through a re-evaluation of my beliefs and thoughts for years now. It's an ongoing journey. So at the workshop, I was ready for someone to help me peel off another layer in a process that is like a culmination of many a-ha moments with a community of supportive, loving witnesses. Somehow, it feels different when you have this supportive community in front of you. So there I stood on stage in front of a roomful of people. And through the coaching that went on for about an hour, I learned a lot. There are layers to it that I am still processing and reflecting on, even a month later.
But the part that I want to share now is that I got to discover and show so many different sides of myself. That was a pure treat that I am still appreciating. Some sides are like old friends, like the energetic and friendly self, which often comes out quickly. The invisible self is also present quickly in certain situations--it's the one that tells me to disappear if it feels the least bit judged or overpowered. That self was present during the weekend and I was trying hard to fight it. It felt very confusing. Like I was fighting myself and making things so much harder than they needed to be. It was a familiar feeling that I understood so much better after the coaching I received.
Some parts of myself I had never really explored or at least very rarely and I got a big surprise when they showed themselves on stage. Like the mighty volcano, ready to burst (and burst again, and burst again, and again, and again...you get the picture?). Boy, was there a lot of power there. I think I knew it was there, but have always been a bit afraid of it. I think a part of me was afraid I couldn't control it--like I've seen other volcanoes struggle with in the past. I think I thought it might take over if I let it show itself. I learned that I DO have control over that power. And I learned that I can use it in a BIG way, and in a way that just fills me up and makes me fully present--no wondering what others are thinking, wondering if what I am doing it 'right' or if it is the 'best' way to do it.
The other side of myself that came out strongly was the silly, quirky side. This side was the one I enjoyed seeing and playing with the most. Probably because I feel that this side has been stifled quite a bit for a long time. I show it to people who know me well, but have saved it for them. And instead I trade it in to be more 'professional', to be more 'adult' with people until I think it's safe. And boy, have I been missing out. I am now committed to embracing my quirkiness on a more regular basis!
My clients go through this process often during the coaching journey. We get to start uncovering things they used to enjoy but forgot about. Or we get to delve into new aspects of their personalities that they never knew were there. Or maybe they knew they were there, but thought they had to cover them up for some reason. Or they have decided something about themselves that isn't necessarily true--like they aren't creative, they aren't good with money, or they aren't that powerful. And then we get to experiment and see if these missing sides are really missing. I can say I have still to encounter a client who is truly missing those sides. They are usually just hiding out until they think it's safe to come out and play. Just like my powerful volcano self--now that I know it's safe, I can bring this bit of me out when I need it. I can do this in a way that is present and graceful and not scary or threatening. I never understood that this was a choice before.
It is so easy to look at different sides of yourself and judge them. The 'professional' side is 'good'. The 'silly' side is....silly. People won't take you seriously so it's 'bad'. The powerful volcano is scary so that's bad. The confident side is good and the unsure side is bad. And what if you bring in a little gray instead of seeing it as so black and white? What if you just accept these selves as different sides of yourself? What if you just see all these sides as information that helps you learn and grow?
The thing is when you put your different selves in those good and bad categories, it is very possible that you will miss the gifts that all of those selves can bring with them. You can then easily put the good selves in a little box and these are the ones that you show to people--the professional side, the adult side, the 'perfect' side, the side that has all the answers. It becomes very one dimensional. Do you feel it? Do you feel that box around you and those 'good' selves? And the selves that you think are not 'good' show themselves and we think we need to fight them. Just like I used to do with my invisible self. At the workshop I learned it has some very important information for me. I looked at it straight in the eye and I saw why it comes up and what my options are when it does.
Because I can tell you that the beautiful combination of ALL those sides is what makes you unique, what makes you YOU. So you can look at those sides and see if you can learn something from them. So when does that unsure side come out in you? What is it trying to tell you when this happens? What gift might it bring with it? Maybe it brings with it a compassion for others when you see that they are a bit shy or unsure. Maybe it brings with it showing that you are NOT always confident and 'perfect' and that you are a vulnerable human ready to learn and grow. How beautiful is that?
For me, there were many other selves that came out that day on stage. And when I look back on it, it felt like a little party having them all there with me and knowing that I could access them whenever I wanted. It felt liberating and free and BIG and certainly not contained and safe in that predictable box.
So what selves do you show most readily? And which ones do you try to hide or ignore? Could you find a way to invite one of those to play today? Just be curious. Give that self a little space and see what it has to say. See what part of you wants to BE a part of you and see what you can learn from that. I can promise you--the uniqueness of all YOUR selves will make for quite a party!
