Transition. It's a VERY big word. Maybe it doesn't sound so big to you, but I assure you it is. Often, we use the words Transition and Change interchangeably. But they are very different.  As William Bridges explains in his book Transitions, Making Sense of Life's Changes, change is situational. You lose your job, you get a new job, you get married, you retire, you have a baby, you break up with a girlfriend or boyfriend, you move. The situation becomes different - THAT is change.

Transition, however, is more of the process that happens after a change. It is the process of you redefining yourself after the situation changes. You are transitioning from the old and into the new. Sometimes, you resist this process. Have you ever known someone who did this? Maybe someone retired after working 9 to 5 all their life, but didn't ever seem to get the hang of being retired. That's a perfect example of when you really must decide WHO you will be when you are no longer that person who goes into the office 5 days a week. If you don't re-think who you are, it's like the change never happened and you will undoubtedly feel stuck and lost.

Sometimes, you can't wait for the change. You look forward to it with every ounce in your body and then it comes and you can't quite understand why you don't feel happier, why it isn't what you thought it was. THIS is when it is so useful to know the stages of transition - to know something about what the process looks like, what to expect. Transition is key in terms of making the change work--in terms of giving you some power in the change experience, instead of feeling overpowered by it. So in this newsletter, let's cover step number 1.

The first stage of transition is Letting Go (Bridges calls it Endings). This is a huge part of the transition process. We need to completely Let Go of what was before we can move onto something else. Often times you might want to just skip over this stage-especially if it is a change you instigated. Let's just get to it, right? Or you might want to drag it on forever-and this especially when you aren't sure of what is coming next.

You might think that this process is very different depending on whether you CHOSE the change or it just 'happened to you'. Although there are certainly differences in those two scenarios, the main elements of Letting Go stay the same regardless of how the change came about. Please come with me on a little transition journey I have been on recently...

I've written in previous newsletters about my life in California and my life in Stockholm, Sweden. This has been part of what I have for many years called My Bi-continental Life. This Life has always been defined in my mind as having a home in both countries. For about 10 years, I have actually experienced life in two continents-working in Finland and then Sweden and coming to California 2 times a year for 3 - 5 weeks each time.  But for me, I was missing that California home so I wasn't yet Bi-Continental.

This past year has been like a test for me - a test to see if living in California FELT as right as I thought it would. And it did. This meant that I felt ready to close some windows (I don't like closing doors, closing windows is enough) in Stockholm for now. I decided to sell my apartment and quit my job of 8 years. I was a little surprised by this, I must say. And I think other people were surprised at first too. What about my Bi-Continental Life--didn't I need that home to fulfill that dream? I was so close--did I really want to give that up?

This decision was not a hard one for me. It was actually clearer than most all other decisions in my life. I knew that it would be emotional to let go of my apartment, to let go of my job, to let go of an extremely comfortable daily life with a great number of friends, colleagues who I love. But the hardest thing, actually, was letting go of the IDEA of the bi-continental life. I had dreamed of it for so long. How could I just suddenly let it go?

In the middle of the peak of this transition--going back to Sweden to officially leave my job and pack up my life there, selling, and sending my belongings of the past 9 years--my Dad became very ill and passed away after 5 days in the hospital. This was a change I wasn't quite prepared for and one I am still experiencing. But I noticed the process of Letting Go was the same and when I was able to remember that, it was a lot easier to be present, to be where I was.

I noticed that the most important part of this process was not resisting. Not resisting what happened, not resisting all the emotions and thoughts and feelings I was experiencing. I see people resisting what is all the time. It takes an enormous amount of energy to resist what is and you never win. When you are in the Letting Go phase, the biggest lesson to learn is to accept it all and welcome it in: loss, grief, unanswered questions, guilt, love, compassion, sadness. None of it is wrong. When you resist it, there is no room to move on. But when you let it be there peacefully, there's space. Aaaaahhhh. And in the Letting Go phase, we need that space. Space to see all that we had and all that we still have and will always have, no matter what. And Space to eventually move forward--or at least put our feet in the right direction.

Recently, that space allowed me to see something about my Bi-Continental Life that I had been missing for years. It hit me one day as one of those realizations when once you see it, you can't believe you never did. It's like it fits so well it's hard to believe you didn't have it before. You know the kind I mean? The realization I had was that all along I had been so rigid with my definition of Bi-Continental that I didn't know that really I HAD been living it for years. Not just KIND of living it, but REALLY living it. I am Bi-Continental. And it has NOTHING to do with HAVING a home in two places. It has EVERYTHING to do with the fact that I FEEL at home in two places. So no wonder it was easy to sell my apartment. I have already achieved my dream--I had just forgotten to hit the refresh button so I had the right definition.

Whether the change is something you chose or something that happened to you, Letting Go is a HUGE part of the transition process--of redefining yourself after the change. If you don't let yourself go through this process, it will be VERY difficult to successfully get to the last stage of Welcoming It In (Bridges calls this Beginnings). I used this last year to move through the transition process a bit at a time. And after a busy, eventful and emotional month in Sweden, I feel like I am VERY ready to Welcome my California life in.

And how about you? In hearing my story, what comes up for you? Do you see old ideas or patterns or relationships or maybe the IDEA of a relationship that you need to let go? Remember, before you can truly start anew, you must truly experience Letting Go.

When it comes to my Dad, I am still in the Letting Go phase. I'm letting go of lots of things-letting go of him not being a phone call away anymore, letting go of him not being here physically, letting go of thoughts and feelings that come up of him as a father and person and of me as a daughter and person. I'm observing and listening and allowing SPACE. And I know that at some point that space and acceptance will allow me to redefine myself yet again-redefine who I have been, who I am and most importantly, who I want to be now. My Dad was a searcher, adventurer and inventor at heart. I know he is proud.