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Why Clarity.....
....and why now?
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Greetings!
We can no longer fathom watching standard definition TV broadcasts. We HAVE to view our sporting events, National Geographic programming and late night comedy in HD -- High Definition.
HDClarity is an e-zine for those wanting to develop more trust, understanding and camaraderie in their work environment, and their life in general. A smoother running team is a more profitable team. They get things done faster, for less cost. If you'd like to discover methods for developing High Definition Clarity in your daily life, please read on.
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"Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others."
Wayne Dyer
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Escape the Triangle
Ever said "I just knew
that was going to happen"?
You knew that was
going to happen because it's happened before. Last month we talked about the
Drama Triangle and how repeated patterns occur among individuals who interact
regularly. When these repeated patterns occur, we see individuals in one of
three positions in the transaction: the victim, the persecutor, or the
rescuer.
For many of us, playing out these scenarios provides some
degree of belonging and comfort. If that's you, then you don't need to read any
further. But for many others, being stuck in these roles and patterns is a
constant source of irritation.
Luckily, there are things you can do to free yourself from
the Drama Triangle forever.
It is easiest to recognize that you're caught in the
triangle when you have been stuck in the role of victim. When this happens,
there are two things you can do.
Go Further In
The most effective action is to turn down the volume on your
feeling of victimization. We call this moving toward the center of the
triangle.
When you don't play your part as victim well enough to
elicit strong persecutor or rescuer interactions, all participants move closer
to the center of the triangle.
Moving toward the center requires a lot of awareness of your
feelings. To accomplish this, you usually have to possess the ability to excise
yourself from the drama and observe it from a third-party perspective.
Get Out
A second response is to disconnect the triangle. This may
actually be easier because there are no "volume" controls to adjust. There's
just an on and off switch.
Leave. Don't play. Remove yourself. It can feel clumsy, but
simply not engaging in the repeated pattern is
an assertive response to the developing drama. When one player leaves, the
entire triangle crumbles...the connections are broken. And when you don't play
your part, the other party is stuck searching for some other role to play.
One caveat. Whether you try to exit the triangle or move to
the center, don't be surprised if the other party cranks up the volume of his
or her role...as if you didn't hear them. Because the other party will believe that you didn't hear.
"Surely you understand how you are supposed to act, right? So I must be louder,
more forceful."
These escape patterns work if you find yourself in the
victim role. This is usually the role most people want to get out of. But some
of us recognize that we spend a great deal of our lives in either the
persecutor or rescuer role. What about us?
Same advice. If you decide at some point that playing group
critic or corporate Florence Nightingale is not serving you well, then tone it
down (move to the center) or bail out, making the choice to quit playing that
role.
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Maybe so, maybe not.
One day, a farmer's horse ran away. His neighbors expressed
sympathy. "What terrible luck that you lost your horse!" The farmer replied, "Maybe
so, maybe not."
A few days later, the horse returned, leading several wild horses. The
neighbors shouted, "Your horse has returned, and brought more with him. What
great fortune!" The farmer replied, "Maybe so, maybe not."
Later that week, the farmer's son was trying to break one of the wild horses
and got thrown to the ground, breaking his leg. The villagers cried, "Your son
broke his leg. What a calamity!" The farmer replied, "Maybe so, maybe not."
A few weeks later, soldiers from the national army marched through town,
conscripting all the able-bodied young men. They did not take the farmer's son
because of his broken leg. Friends shouted, "Your boy is spared. What
tremendous luck!" To which the farmer replied, "Maybe so, maybe not."
When we judge something to be "good" or "bad," "right" or
"wrong," we are most likely referencing our Knower/Judger understanding of the
world, comparing the occurrence against our history. If we switch to a
Learner/Researcher understanding, we can see that our Knower/Judger assessment
of the world always lacks some information that, if known, could alter our
perception totally.
Consequently, what folly it is to assign values of "good"
and "bad," "right" and "wrong," to the occurrences in our lives.
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Who dat?
If there was ever a story about creating one's own reality
en masse, this year's Super Bowl was it.
We all love underdogs, and the New Orleans Saints were
underdogs in every sense of the word. The bookmakers gave a five-point
advantage to the Indianapolis Colts.
If you watched the first quarter, it seemed like the pundits
were right. Ten unanswered points by Indianapolis. The only things worth
hanging around for were the commercials.
But then, as if by destiny, the tide began to turn. Before the
end of the half, the Saints had clawed back two field goals and went into the
locker room a mere four points down...under the Las Vegas spread.
And then all hell broke loose. Saints coach Sean Payton knew
his team had everything to gain and nothing to lose. He shocked the Colts and
the fans by executing the perfect onside kick. That had never been done in
Super Bowl history in any other than the fourth quarter. It's a desperation
move, not an assertive strategy!
A stunned Indianapolis team watched Saints quarterback Drew
Brees march his team down the field for an easy touchdown. By the end of the
third quarter, Garret Hartley had kicked his third field goal of over 40
yards-a Super Bowl record-and the gritty Saints were within one point of the
mighty Colts.
In the fourth quarter, Indianapolis was back on its feet.
Yet the Saints were able to not only score a touchdown, but after review of the
two-point conversion play, put the game into a two-score situation for Indianapolis.
They now led 24 to 17.
Was this really possible? No one expected this. Those of us
who cheer for the underdog were going nuts. Did anybody even see most of the
commercials during the second half?
Then came the coup de grâce. As Peyton Manning marched the
Colts downfield for the certain touchdown that would put the game into an
overtime tie, Tracy Porter stepped in front of the Colts' Reggie Wayne, picked
off the pass, and scored an easy (if there is such a thing) 74-yard touchdown
to seal the deal. The rest, of course, is history
What's the lesson? It pays to be ready for good things to
happen...to be open to improbable outcomes. When you ignore what others expect
and create your own reality, you just might amaze the world.
In the post-game interviews, the word "destiny" spilled from
almost every mouth, from coach to quarterback to defensive lineman. The Saints
were clearly playing for something bigger than a Super Bowl win. And not only
were they ready for good things to
happen, they expected them to happen.
Create your own
reality. Expect good things to happen
and prepare to be amazed.
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Archives
January, 2010 Drama Triangle, Blind Side, Summit Review
December, 2009 Red Conversation, Christmas 1914 Truce
November, 2009 Green Conversation, Hate, Jim Abbott
October, 2009 - 6th and 7th Gears
September, 2009 - 4th and 5th Gears
August, 2009 - 1st, 2nd, 3rd Gears
July, 2009 - Frustration, Cotton, Coaching
June, 2009 - Unlearning, Knower/Judger; Learner/Researcher
May, 2009 - Doubt
April, 2009 - Ho'oponopono
March, 2009 - The Sky is Falling
February, 2009 - USAir Fight 1549
January, 2009 - Let Go of the Past
December, 2008 - HDClarity introduction
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There is a clear and present danger.....when you are neither clear nor present.
Saving the planet one conversation at a time,
Kim DeMotte
Power of NO, Corporate CoDriver
kim@corporatecodriver.com
www.corporatecodriver.com
(877) 245-8250
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