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High Definition Trust, Understanding and Camaraderie
Reduce Struggle Dissipate Conflict Improve Relationships Relieve Stress

Volume 2    Issue 11                                                                                          November, 2009
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In This Issue
The Art of Green Conversation
Why Do People Do Hateful Things?
Creating our own Reality
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Why Clarity.....
....and why now?

We can no longer fathom watching standard definition TV broadcasts.  We HAVE to view our sporting events, National Geographic programming and late night comedy in HD -- High Definition. 

HDClarity is an e-zine for those wanting to develop more trust, understanding and camaraderie in their work environment, and their life in general.  A smoother running team is a more profitable team.  They get things done faster, for less cost.  If you'd like to discover methods for developing High Definition Clarity in your daily life, please read on. 
"While we are focusing on fear, worry, or hate, it is not possible for us to be experiencing happiness, enthusiasm or love".
Bo Bennett, CEO of iGrOOps, LLC
The Art of Green Conversation

Have you noticed that encouragements about "going green" are almost always negative? "Reduce hydrocarbons to preserve the ozone layer" or "Stop the growth of industrialization to reverse global warming." And, sadly, any of this advice, to successfully affect the environment in a material way, would have to be followed by millions of people over long periods of time.
But there is one environment that we as individuals can affect immediately, every day, and all day: our "transactional environment." We can positively affect our day-to-day personal interactions, reduce stress, dissipate conflict, and improve relationships between us and "the other guy".
Incidentally, the idea of embracing the art of green conversation began while I was coaching a favorite client's management teams. I've used many different mnemonics and metaphors over the years to try to help my clients recognize when they are interacting from their history, without considering current data. They'll soon discover that when they shift gears and become truly present, and become open to hearing data and interpreting it without their normal biased filters, positive results happen immediately.
That's why I've decided to overlay the "Knower/Judger" (K/J) and "Learner/Researcher" (L/R) concepts over the colors of red and green. The Art of Green Conversation is the acquisition of skills necessary to ensure that we stay present, not judging everything by our historical knowledge, in our Learner/Researcher mode.  Conversing "GREEN" allows our one-on-one transactions to flourish free of bias, agendas, self-deprecation, dominance.  No winners or losers, but productive consensus. No "Right" or "Wrong", but decisions made in the best interest of the mission.

Eckhart Tolle might agree. He has said that the "pain-body," that unconscious part of us that derives its stress and anguish from constant comparison of past to future, is so toxic as to potentially cause the social downfall (and hence annihilation) of the human race. He suggests that to survive, man will need to evolve from history-based, personally filtered social positions to "present" comparisons of the data to the value of the condition associated with it.
So why not extend this "greening" concept to those conversations that directly affect our immediate transactional environment? In other words, replace those "toxic" interactions you had with your boss or wife or child or neighbor or mother, etc., with positive ones. You have control over that toxicity, and hence your transactional environment.
Using the metaphors of "red and green conversation," we'll cover where the toxicity comes from and what generates and perpetuates it. We'll understand how it accumulates over a lifetime, and, like the ozone layer depletion, seems impossible to reverse. As in the ecological world, you will see things that seem to be unstoppable, entrenched in human nature, but are absolutely controllable.
Yes. Do your part to go green in your physical environment; but do so in your transactional environment and immediately enjoy the results. 

Next month:  Identifying Red Conversations

Why do people do hateful things?

HateWhat drives people to do hateful things? Hate crimes rank right up there with a lot of Darwin Award winners, except the perpetrators don't usually remove themselves from the gene pool. To rational citizens of the planet, hate crimes seem to serve no purpose.
And where does the concept of hate fit into a discussion on clarity anyway? Please indulge me for a moment and you'll see.
Most convicts can tell you how much they hate the type of person that they hurt (e.g., Jew, gay, fat, black, Asian, annoying). But few can say exactly why, according to "Allocation of Time and Hateful Behavior: A Theoretical and Positive Analysis of Hate and Hate Crimes."
This paper reports the results of analyzing the effect of certain economic factors on hateful behavior. And although they found that three factors (urbanization, low occupational status, and downward social mobility) thought to be causes of hateful activity are found not to be statistically significant determinants of hateful activity," they add that "the effect of education on hateful activity is unclear."
So whether analyzing the brutality ranging from Bosnian Serbs and the Rwandan Hutus, to acts targeting individual expressions, such as the heinous murder of Matthew Shepard in Laramie Wyoming, are we simply incapable of real explanation?
This is where I offer a different conclusion.

I believe that education is the only clear determining factor. I'm not talking about the level of education reached (e.g., 8th grade, high school, college, graduate). I'm talking instead about the individual's tendency to be a "knower/judger" (K/J) and committed unflinchingly to his or her own rules about life.

Why else does a Muslim wrap his 13-year-old daughter in C4 explosives and send her into the marketplace? I'd call it hate. And where does that hate come from?

Perhaps it's this: A Knower/Judger is so closed to the ideas and reasons of others that he/she has no room for any other narrative. And that state of mind is learned. Just like we learned that toilet paper comes off the top of the roll.
My experience is that hate can only become extinct when we all develop healthy "Learner/Researcher" approaches. And why not start now, by reading more on this persona? (Click here to read more on the Learner/Researcher persona).

Hate is a prime example of the most toxic of "red conversations"; those generated from blind adherence to unsupported and possibly inaccurate data turned into destructive actions.

Additional reading:

Click here to read the article.

Click here to read more on the Knower/Judger persona.

Creating our own reality.  Jim Abbott, Major League Pitcher. 

Jim Abbott
(click on picture for Jim's story)

Perhaps all my readers already know this story, but having the honor of watching Jim Abbott pitch for the Milwaukee Brewers in Busch Stadium April 8th, 1999, his story has always fascinated me.
Jim was born with no right hand, yet became one of Major League Baseballs top all-around pitchers. 

"I was born without my right hand. I have never felt slighted. As a kid I was pretty coordinated and growing up I loved sports. I learned to play baseball like most kids, playing catch with my Dad in the front yard. The only difference was that we had to come up with a method to throw and catch with the same hand. What we came up with, is basically what I continued to do my whole life."

What we most likely would all consider a handicap, something to keep us from accomplishing our dream, Abbott hardly ever noticed.  He merely had to come up with a method to throw and catch with the same hand.

What's your self-induced handicap?  How will you come up with a way to circumvent it?

There is a clear and present danger.....when you are neither clear nor present.
Saving the planet one conversation at a time,

Kim DeMotte
Power of NO, Corporate CoDriver
(877) 245-8250