Ah, the first month of a new year. I LOVE beginnings. I LOVE that energy of newness, discovering new things, finding new ways of doing things. That beautiful process of the unknown becoming known. I LOVE all that. I know some people don't so if you are one of those, that's ok. And don't get me wrong, there are part of beginnings that I am also challenged by -- but when I let go of how things are 'supposed' to be, I can often enjoy that part too. Anyway, I'm not going to convince you that beginnings are always good, or that change is good (at least not in this newsletter!). Instead I thought we could focus on something different, but still related to that this month. Are you game? Oh good, me too. Let's go then...
So, before beginning a new year, I always like to reflect on the one that just ended. This transition always happens too quickly for me. On the 31st of December, we look back and then on the 1st of January, we're supposed to start a-new? WOW!! I know I need more time than that and I think most of you do too. So, it's fine if you are taking a while to catch your breath. Sure, you can make plans, set some intentions or goals or whatever word you choose, but it's ok to allow some space, to breathe into the new year a bit before you race forward.
In the spirit of taking some time, gathering ourselves, letting things settle, I started to reflect on the past year -- in both my life and the lives of my clients and I saw some beautiful things.
First of all, I had a very eventful year. You know just how eventful if you have been following these newsletters (you can see a few past ones on the links to the left). And my clients have had eventful years as well -- moves, new jobs or careers, new paths to follow, new relationships or the end of existing ones. And through ALL of those happenings, the things that stick out most for me in terms of myself and my clients are not necessarily those huge events. Sure, those make an impression. And a lot of times we make some big changes as a result of those events. I know that has been the case for me.
However, often times the things that stick out most for me are the small shifts. It can be a change in the way we think about something or the questions that we ask ourselves on a daily basis. It can be that we start noticing how often we say 'should' or 'need to' or 'have to'. I do that with clients sometimes -- just ask them to be aware of when they say one of those words. And what happens if they substitute the words "I want to..." instead of 'I need to ..."? (Of course only if they really WANT to. Otherwise, there is something else to discuss here!). What does this feel like? This is one of those small little shifts that is very subtle. We might not notice very much at first. But I assure you, these small shifts make HUGE changes in our lives.
For myself, I stopped using the word 'worry'. Prompted by my friend and colleague, Georgianne, I noticed it came into my head quite a bit at times and could really start my mind spinning. I decided I wouldn't use that word anymore. In ways, the worry kept me in check --- kept me on top of things. So instead of the word worry, I started using 'aware'. Because THAT'S what I really wanted. I wanted the feeling of knowing what the situation was. So I made sure I did. And then I went no further -- I stopped my mind from going further into the 'what ifs'. It stopped at awareness. So I got the benefit of the worry without the worry, if you know what I mean. HUGE! It wasn't an instant 'fix'. It didn't change overnight. But when I look back at what my mind USED to do when it came to worry and what it does now when I am aware instead--there is a BIG difference. And this difference is one that brings A LOT more peace and fulfillment into my life on a daily basis.
When I looked back on my year of coaching clients, the most common theme I saw was the All or Nothing thinking. This is something that is EVERYwhere out there in the world. And it appears in a couple different ways. One way is when a client comes in and tells me about a situation and explains the two choices they have. If they choose this, then...and if they choose the other, then.... And in that thinking, you miss the fact that there are SOOOOOOO many possibilities. Usually, when I point this out to clients, they can easily come up with a few more in between points. And besides those, there are probably dozens of others that we haven't even thought of. This brings options and choice into the picture and makes things feel a lot more open, a lot lighter. It's like the client starts to breathe easier knowing they aren't locked into choosing ONE or the OTHER. Maybe there's a beautiful combination to be created?
Another aspect of this All or Nothing thinking is seeing all that we DON'T have, all that we HAVEN'T achieved yet, instead of what we HAVE achieved or have. I had a client this past year who made HUGE shifts in terms of this. Instead of seeing all that she hadn't finished and feeling stressed and overwhelmed by this, she started focusing on what she HAD finished and what she HAD achieved. This brought a totally new level of ease and fulfillment into her life -- something she hadn't experienced much of in the past.
So in this new year, I invite you to explore the small shifts. Start by becoming a bit more aware of when you feel stuck, frustrated or overwhelmed. Then ask yourself what TINY shift you could make today that might address that. You don't need to have all the answers and you don't need to change EVERYthing in a day. Just come up with ONE little step you could take. Maybe it has to do with the words you find yourself using, or All or Nothing thinking or something totally different. Just remember that SMALL shifts may seem SOOOO tiny AND they can make a HUGE difference. Do you FEEL all that possibility out there?
