John S. Gordon - Business and Personal Coach

"You have the greatness and the power.  I just help you turn on the switch."

Welcome to Issue 294.  The mission of "Marvelous Mondays" is to offer an inspirational thought, a practical exercise, some humor, or a simple tip to jump-start your week and to enhance your life, business, outlook or relationships. 

Please feel free to forward "Marvelous Mondays" to others who will enjoy it.   

Did you miss a previous issue?  Click here to view an Archive.   

We've learned how the DESC system provides an effective assertive script in solving personal and business conflicts. Click for issues 291 and 292.

However the other person is not likely to passively listen or agree with you. Instead the person is likely to be defensive and will try to derail you from you assertive track by various techniques described as "defensive detours" by Sharon Bower in her book "Asserting yourself." There are at least 15 different categories of detours, and we need to prepare ourselves through assertive counter replies.

Today we will discuss just two of the defensive detours.

A distracting detour "You look beautiful when you are angry."

Assertive reply "That's beside the point (DISMISS). My point is ____ (DISMISS)."

Denying detour "You don't know what you are talking about."

Assertive reply "That may be what you think, but I'm quite sure about this. (AGREE...BUT)"

In the above examples the assertive reply gets your script back on track.

Do you need to have an assertive conversation with someone?  Do you want more information on how to prepare and practice your assertive replies to 15 defensive detours? Just pick up the phone and call me at 816-213-0125

I invite you this week to do the following:

1. Notice if you are using the distracting or denying or any other detour.

2. Listen to other people and how they use detours.

3. Which detours are you most likely to use.

                   **John is currently accepting a few new coaching clients.**