John S. Gordon - Business and Personal Coach

"You have the greatness and the power.  I just help you turn on the switch."

Welcome to Issue 291.  The mission of "Marvelous Mondays" is to offer an inspirational thought, a practical exercise, some humor, or a simple tip to jump-start your week and to enhance your life, business, outlook or relationships. 

Please feel free to forward "Marvelous Mondays" to others who will enjoy it.   

Did you miss a previous issue?  Click here to view an Archive.   

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Let's suppose that you are the leader of a team that meets every morning at 8:30 for 15 minutes to plan the day. Jim, one of the team members, consistently arrives at 8:40-8:45. You have wondered how to deal with him but have avoided it. You are now very frustrated and angry and you decide to just "tell it like it is". So one morning you go into Jim's office and say, 

"You don't care about your job" or

"You go to bed too late" or

"You're always late for work"

How do you think this could have been a more effective conversation? 

FIGHT OR FLIGHT

In last week's issue we listed the many adverse health consequences of aggressive behavior. Managers, supervisors, leaders or teams have at least 3 possible choices in dealing with workplace misbehavior or conflict. One choice is to flee, which is a decision to do nothing and say nothing. This is a passive response. Another choice is to have a conversation that might become aggressive. This often causes the employee to defend his-her behavior, leading to arguments and to escalation.

HELP IS ON THE WAY-THE DESC SYSTEM

There is another choice that I recommend, called the DESC system. This is an assertive skill technique formulated by Sharon Bower in her book "Asserting Yourself". Here's how it goes:

1. Describe. Objectively describe the behavior or conflict. Focus on the behavior, not the person.
2. Express. Express your feelings about the behavior by using "I" statements rather than "you" statements.
3. Specify. Specify how you would like the behavior or situation to change.
4. Consequences. Communicate the positive consequences of this change. In some situations you may need to also communicate the negative consequences if the behavior is not changed. 

EXERCISE

Formulating a DESC script (assertive) can often have positive effects in your work and personal relationships and also reduce the adverse health consequences of an aggressive conversation. This week I invite you to do the following:

1. Write a DESC script as though you are talking to Jim, your team member, who is habitually late for the morning meeting.
2. Notice how writing your DESC script can be beneficial to you in a personal or business relationship that needs to be resolved.

Next week I'll be giving you more information and examples so you can begin writing your own DESC script for a personal or business situation.  

"Let us never negotiate out of fear. 

But let us never fear to negotiate."

-John F. Kennedy

                   **John is currently accepting a few new coaching clients.**