She was very sorry; she had certainly not meant to offend. In turn, he wanted her to know that it was not personal. So what went wrong?
When these two people, already known to each other, crossed paths recently, she went to greet him with a hug ... and he took a large step back. Awkward, to say the least.
She immediately sensed that she had been overly familiar in her action. Rather than taking note of his body language and manner, she was using her style of greeting for people she feels she is friends with.
As I shared in last week's newsletter, we all have an invisible bubble of personal space surrounding us; it's the distance we keep between ourselves and others. When that space is intruded upon, many people may feel psychologically uncomfortable and/or unnerved.
How do you know if you are getting too close? Watch for the signs:
- Is the person backing up as you approach?
- How is the person holding themselves ... stiff and uncomfortable or relaxed and open?
- Are they facing you straight on (open and receptive) or have they turned to the side (closed and protective)?
- What about eye contact? Avoiding eye contact or looking around the room, eyes moving constantly, can signify the person is looking for an escape.
- Fidgeting as you are talking can mean several things -- all pertaining to being uncomfortable and needing to move.
- Moving or adjusting seating. If the person does this when you sit or stand beside them, you have probably intruded into their space.
The amount of personal space needed varies by the individual. What may be comfortable to you may be distressing to someone else. Awareness of your actions and sensitivity to the body language of those around you will help you make a respectful impression.
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Remember...
You don't necessarily have to take another person's reaction to your closeness personally; again, boundaries are individual and subjective. In the instance of the two people I referred to earlier, his reaction to her greeting was because, in his words, he "just isn't a huggie person."
If, however, you notice that people seem to continually be backing away or avoiding your near proximity, you may wish to take a step back and re-evaluate your approach.
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