Brussels, Mon July 18th:

As one by one the PIGS* get spit-roasted and look increasingly look like being accompanied by a super-size side order of burnt pasta it's becoming clear that the Eurozone can't continue to live the fantasy of monetary without fiscal union. It's simply not possible to reconcile the opposing requirements of the pathologically spendthrift olive oil economies with the uber-efficient Industrial Reich in the north  

It's true both sides have until recently had a good run in the Euro club. Germany has benefited from a currency that's been held down in value by the lesser performing members, helping Germany's exports whilst not damaging it's perceived wealth (there are still plenty of holidays and luxury goods to be bought within the Eurozone, avoiding the need to spend valuable hard currencies like the US Dollar). And for a while it was even possible for the German government to live the dream of running an empire without actually having to pay for it

The economically inept have had a good time too, partying and treating themselves to lots of toys on their newly acquired low rate credit cards without any bothersome parental control  

But sadly the credit cards are maxed-out and the minimum payments overdue. Now they have to pay. But how?  

The Eurozone needs a fiscally consistent economic policy across all of it's members. One way this might be achieved is to move towards centralised fiscal controls, but this would require a transfer of wealth from the richer nations to the poorer ones. Not likely to be popular in the north, nor even in the beneficiary nations because they're unlikely to take kindly to having their affairs run directly by Berlin...sorry, we mean Brussels  

So the only option is for the member nations to grasp the nettle and  evict the countries that don't fit in with the ethos and expectations of the Eurozone

Obviously, Germany will have to leave!

Only then will the Euro be able to find it's true place as an international currency: an easily devalued sanctuary for clapped out old-world powers seeking to prolong their fantasy of being rich and important. The terminally indebted will be able to print money and rely on inflation to deflate their debts  

Initially it might be a little tough on the Germans - suddenly having to compete with other industrial nations without the subsidy afforded by a soft currency - but in the long term we're sure they'll pull through and be more efficient than ever (they can always merge with Poland, the Czech Republic and the Netherlands to increase the economies of scale - they've done that before after all).  And on the plus side, they won't have to spend all their savings feeding the PIGS!

* Portugal, Ireland, Greece, Spain