In "The Disease to Please" by Dr. Harriet B. Braiker she writes, "There are five steps necessary to break your automatic yes-saying habit. When faced with any request, invitation or other type of demand from another person you can replace your ingrained habit of immediately saying "yes" with the following sequence of actions:" 

1. Delay giving an immediate response by buying time
2. Identify your options
3. Forecast the likely consequences of each option
4. Select the best option
5. Respond to the request/invitation/demand firmly and directly by exercising your choice to:
a. Say no
b. Offer a counterproposal
c. Say yes

Braiker adds, "You have the right to say no to any request, no matter how intense the pressure you feel. But you must put your choice in action. It's okay to offer a brief apology, but long explanations will get you into trouble. As soon as you start over explaining or apologizing excessively, you will be revealing a vulnerability that the requester can exploit."

The Disease To Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome

by Harriet B. Braiker by McGraw-Hill

Paperback

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Our Price: $7.92

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Save $3 - Order  of $20 or more

If you have an Apple device then we have the app for you.

You can download the app to run any invision message board, including this Neighborhood. Heres what you do.

Login to your Apple iTunes account and go to this link:

IP Board Communities 

Download the app. Then select the Neighborhood from the directory and take it from there.

Health and Wellness >> LivingAfterWLS Neighborhood

Give it a try. The IPS guys are working with us so we will eventually have a branded app button that matches the neighborhood graphics. Its all a work in progress but this should get you started.

App Conversation in the Neighborhood 

Android App in Progress - Stay tuned for details!! 

Rule #2 - Lots of Water

  LivingAfterWLS Weekly Digest February 2, 2011 

Rule #3 - No Snacking

LivingAfterWLS Weekly Digest February 9, 2011  

Rule #4 - Daily Exercise

LivingAfterWLS Weekly Digest February 18, 2011 

by Kaye Bailey - Syndicated Article Copyright 2006

While I hesitate to pigeonhole character traits of morbidly obese people there is one thing that seems to be common: obese adults notoriously put the needs of others ahead of themselves. I hear it often. "I don't have time to prepare healthy meals or exercise because I have to take the kids to soccer (or fill in: take mother to the doctor or help my neighbor with her yard or work late to help my co-worker, etc.). Sound familiar? And while it is true that all these things need to be done in order to do them well we need to be healthy and energized. But it is also true that when we actually take time to prepare a healthy meal or exercise we feel guilty. "Shame on me," we think. "How could I be so selfish?"

There are two kinds of promises we make: outer promises to others and inner promises to ourselves. Think about your activities yesterday. How many times did you nod to another person and say, "Yes, I will take care of that." And then you honored your word and kept the promise you made to another. Now, how many times did you make an inner promise to yourself yesterday? Something like "I will take time to read that magazine, enjoy a hobby, cook a good meal, exercise, etc." Did you honor the promise to yourself or did you put it off because other outer promises for which you are accountable had to be kept?

Lately I've struggled with the inner promise to exercise more regularly. It's been an easy promise to ignore because I don't have visible accountability or public pressure to keep my word to myself. If I fail to keep a personal promise who will know or care? Besides, if I take the time I need to care for myself won't others think me vain and self-centered? The only thing other's keep track of is my ability to keep outer promises; nobody knows about the promises in my soul.

Have you found yourself in this mode of thinking? Sarah Ban Breathnach said, "We are great at delivering on our word when someone else is counting on us, but when no one else is looking or listening we renege on ourselves with a ruthlessness that's heartbreaking."

When we sat in our pre-weight loss surgery counseling we promised the surgeon and others that we would use "the tool" and make the required lifestyle changes to make weight loss surgery be the winning grand slam in our battle with morbid obesity. It was easy to nod our head and affirm compliance to a new way of life. But the fact is, the WLS tool doesn't give us the new life skills we need to be capable of keeping that promise to ourselves without guilt or struggle. We have families, jobs and lives, all of which beckon and demand our time and attention. Our personal life history is one of outer-promise making and keeping at the expense of personal care and nurturing.

For many the post-WLS guilt begins before surgery. One woman, Jenna, told me, "I can only take one-week off work for my surgery, I cannot trouble my office mate for longer than that just for my elective surgery." Listen to her language: "trouble my office mate" and "elective surgery." Jenna is drowning in outer promises sacrificing her own needs.

Like all of us, Jenna promised to take better care of herself using the weight loss surgery tool, but a lifetime of denying personal needs is not an easy habit to break. Breathnach says, "Although self-promises tend to be pleasurable and positive rather than punitive, we rarely keep them. Why? Because without accountability, visibility, pressure, shame, or guilt as our personal prompts we don't think they really matter. We don't believe that our happiness, well-being, or contentment counts for much. When we break self-promises we are under the illusion that there are no repercussions. After all, we reason, who else knows, cares, or is keeping track of the fact that you cannot be counted on?"

Did you promise to take better care of yourself as part of your weight loss surgery experience? Do you feel guilty when you spend time or money keeping that promise? Has feedback from others caused you to feel selfish or guilty for taking better care of yourself? Are you keeping your inner promises?

Please read "You are worthy of your own care giving." on pages 32-38 of Day 6: Beyond the 5 Day Pouch Test  

The LivingAfterWLS Neighborhood: an online compassion driven social space evoking feelings of comfort, understanding, knowledge, warmth, acceptance, trust and happiness for those who have undergone gastric bypass, lap-band or any type of weight loss surgery or those struggling with weight control.

LivingAfterWLS Neighborhood:

Advertising-Free ~  Spam-Free  ~  Privacy Protected

Don't trust your weight loss surgery life to anyplace else.

Introductions 

Come in and tell us about yourself! We love meeting new Neighbors and everyone is welcome here in our little community.

Introduce Yourself! 

Want to join the Neighborhood, but not sure where to start? Tell us in this Volume 4: What brought YOU to the Neighborhood? Everyone is welcome - Can't wait to meet you!

Start Here 

2011 Neighborhood Postcard Swap  

Closes 7/30/2011

This is the least expensive most fun *Vacation* you will enjoy all year. Please take a minute to learn how it works and then join us! The Postcard Swaps have been tremendously successful. So let the fun begin!

Join us Here  

Attention Gastric SLEEVERS:

Heart on Your Sleeve 

A special forum dedicated to those who undergo gastric sleeve procedures. Named "Heart on Your Sleeve" because so many of us invest our hope and our hearts in a procedure to take back our life. Please share you knowledge and experience and connect HERE  

Weight Loss Surgery Chat 

All things weight loss surgery. Find your procedure peer in our gastric banding, gastric sleeve forums. Or talk to veterans of weight loss surgery. Learn about diet, nutrition, exercise and more after weight loss surgery.

5 Day Pouch Test Forum 

Always a popular destination the 5 Day Pouch Test Forum is your place to connect with others who are using this popular plan to get back on track with their weight loss surgery tool.

Harness the momentum of your 5 Day Pouch Test and continue forward with a positive effort at Day 6 Living. Great support from others, like you, who are trying their best to live healthy happy lives with weight loss surgery.

The You Have Arrived Alumni Club 

Connect with others who had weight loss surgery the same year you did and share the journey! From the Pioneers of the 1980s to our newbies of 2010, everyone has a place in the Alumni Club to call home.

The Picket Fence 

A place to stop and share the things in our daily lives beyond weight loss surgery. A neighborly place of support and friendship.

The Works! Everything you need to get back on Track!

-5 Day Pouch Test Owner's Manual by Kaye Bailey

-Feed the Carb Monster Soup Mixes (16 Servings - 2 Mixes)

-Emergen-C Bundle pack (7 Servings)

-FREE Goody Bag ($1.95 Value)

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Prepare a day ahead to allow the flavors to develop.

Serves 12.

Ingredients:

2 large roasted red peppers, canned

30 ounces cannellini beans, rinsed and drained

1 medium red onion, sliced

1 Tablespoon You Have Arrived Savory Provence Blend

3 Tablespoons red wine vinegar

2 Tablespoons olive oil

1/4 teaspoon You Have Arrived Finishing Salt

1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper

Directions:

Remove two red peppers from jar and pat dry being careful to remove and discard seeds. Chop to medium dice. Toss with cannellini beans and onion slices. Set aside.

 In a small bowl whisk together You Have Arrived Savory Provence Blend, red wine vinegar and olive oil. Toss with cannellini bean mixture. Taste and season with You Have Arrived Finishing Salt and freshly ground pepper. Cover and allow to set at room temperature until serving so that flavors will develop. Toss gently before serving. May be served in lettuce cups.

 Serves 12 (about 1/2 cup each). Per serving: 262 calories, 17g protein, 3g fat, 44g carbohydrate and 11g dietary fiber. Rich in calcium, iron and folic acid.

Have you found yourself bored with protein? It's the same 'ole chicken-fish-turkey-eggs day-in and day-out? We have an exciting way to spruce up your protein with tons of flavor but without the calories or carbs! Homemade vinaigrette's are less than 10-minutes away from giving some vinaigrette-va-va-voom to your protein. They are remarkably inexpensive, particularly compared to prepared bottled vinaigrette's. They are quick to make and include fresh healthy ingredients. Today we offer seven great vinaigrette recipes. Try one tonight and fall in love with protein again! 

Link for Recipes