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In the last issue, you were presented with four scenarios of a precocious child appealing to parents of four different Colors for an extra cookie. This takes place in a home where they have a one-cookie rule.
One of our readers, Patricia Powers-Zermeño, took the point of view of a parent who insists on strict adherence to the one-cookie rule. Here are the responses she gives to children of all four Colors:
To the Careful (Gold) Child: Be true to your teeth, kid, and they will never be false to you.
To the Expert (Green) Child: First it's the cookie exception, then what's next? Part of my job as a parent is to help you understand boundaries.
To the Impulsive (Orange) Child: Name calling isn't going to help change my mind. What might help here is you learning how many calories are in a cookie and what you would have to do to burn up those calories.
To the Idealist (Blue) Child: Hold my hand and walk with me to the library and we'll find out.
If you missed the "great cookie controversy" last issue, here it is again:
THE GREAT COOKIE REQUEST
You have been catering to other people's personalities and their values all of your life. For example, you might remember asking your parents for a cookie when you were about nine.
Let's say there was a one-cookie rule then, but suddenly you wanted two cookies. And let's pretend that you were the genius your parents hoped you would be.
To the Careful Parent: I understand the rule, Mommy. Yesterday I did not have a cookie because I knew you'd bake fresh today. I think you made the one-cookie rule to protect my teeth and overall health, am I wrong? If you want, I'll not eat a cookie tomorrow either. These cookies will only be fresh out-of-the-oven right now. Please let me have a second one now, okay?
To the Expert Parent: Look, I've monitored all my carbs today. They're less than 30% of my total calories. My total sugar intake so far is less than 8 grams. The oatmeal in these cookies gets me closer to the fiber goal for the day. The second cookie isn't going to kill me. I ask you, is it rational, really, to refuse me a second cookie?
To the Impulsive Parent: Mommy, the one-cookie rule is a stupid one when you consider that you're taking them out of the oven right now! Let's enjoy a few more -- you and me. I'll pour the milk, okay?
To the Idealist Parent: Mommy, I know you made the one-cookie rule because you love me. I'd be an idiot not to understand that. I love you too. (Snuggles up.) You know that. Do you mind if we talk about these fresh,warm cookies? Where could an extra cookie fit in the big picture?
In a nutshell, our powers of persuasion are much stronger when we choose language that addresses and respects the values and strengths of our listener.
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