If you hurt your partner, do you care that you hurt them?  

Previously we mentioned that the fundamental purpose of marriage is to remove aloneness as "it is not good for the man to be alone" (Gen. 2:18).  There is one person in life most responsible for removing your partner's aloneness--you!  If they feel alone, you may be partially responsible by the ways you have failed to demonstrate perfect Christlike love.  (Wouldn't you would feel badly if your partner went to someone else consistently to meet their need?)

Removing aloneness involves meeting theTop 12 Needs of men and women.  When the Need of the Moment is met it produces harmony, intimacy and satisfaction.  When the "Need of the Moment" is not met, it produces conflict, distance and frustration.  These unmet needs cause our emotional capacity (i.e. our "Emotional Kettle") to fill with negative emotions pushing out the capacity for the positive emotions.  

Additionally, the hurts shut down the "4 Ingredients of Intimacy."  Both the accumulation of emotional hurt in the kettle and the shutting down of the "4 Ingredients of Intimacy" start with hurt.  Hurt is a big deal.

So if you have hurt your partner do you care that you hurt them?  

If you want to give your spouse hope and encouragement for an intimate relationship then try this.  Simply tell you spouse, with sincerity:

"I know there are ways that I have hurt you; that I have put hurt in your emotional kettle and I want to do all I can to empty the emotional kettle of hurts."  

Having seen over 4000 clients do this, iI am convinced it is the most important and powerful first step to giving your partner hope and encouragement.