A Wholehearted Welcome to YOU and our resilient community of professional women who are creating balanced success through a restorative lifestyle by working smart, playing hard, and resting well...as best we can...even in the midst of life's challenges.  

We all just want to be heard. We want our voices to count for something, to be noticed, to be understood and accepted for who we really are, and to know we are not all alone in this world.

Yet Speaking up is hard to do! Many women, myself included, struggle at times to express our thoughts, emotions, problems, or conflicts in ways that allow us to feel seen and fully supported.

Perhaps as children we were told "nice girls don't argue; we should be seen and not heard; say please, say thank you but don't say anything that would hurt someone's feelings; smile and keep the peace at all costs." Or maybe an alcoholic or abusive adult dismissed, mocked, or ignored what we had to say.

 So now instead of using our voice, we retreat into silence. We candy-coat our anger with "I'm fine" when a spouse asks what is wrong. We may pretend we aren't crushed by the rude remarks of a co-worker or the dismissal of our ideas in the boardroom. Or we swing to extremes, exploding with rage (and a few choice words) in a moment of misunderstanding.   

 Emotions are "Energy in Motion" and need to be expressed constructively. When we suppress our real feelings they don't disappear or go away; they transform into something else, like self-doubt, resentment, anxiety, addiction, depression, perfectionism, or physical illness. 

 Life is too short to waste precious energy on mixed messages that leave us disconnected. The understanding we crave lies on the other side of real communication, which requires the COURAGE to be honest with ourselves and each other. It takes courage to be vulnerable, to withstand someone being mad at you, to work out difficulties in relationships, and to not blame someone for your feelings, but to instead take ownership of your reactions. 

Thankfully, I can reassure you through personal experience that the rewards for that courage are worth every ounce of discomfort.

 Here are 5 tips to make yourself heard that I learned the hard way so you don't have to!  

2. Be Clear ~ Recognize what is true for you, and say it in a respectful and direct way. People can't read your mind. Ask for what you need then don't change it, mix it up, water it down, or apologize.      

3. Keep Your Power ~ Stay calm, grounded, and strong. Don't act like a crazy person in order to be heard. No one can take your power unless you give it to them.

4. Less Talk, More Action ~ If you've said the same thing over and over, it's time to stop repeating yourself and stand behind yourself. Show with your actions what your words have been trying to say.

5. Don't Settle ~ Look for ways to break old patterns of miscommunication and speak the truth even when it hurts. Don't give up or shut down. It is possible to create a new level of relationship with the people you work with, love, and care about. 

 How about you? Is there an area of your life where you don't feel heard?

Let's find our voices, and speak up for those that have none.  

Christina Kunkle, CTA Certified Life & Wellness Coach, R.N.

Master Reiki Practitioner, EFT Advocate

"Resilience Coach for High-Achieving Women

who want to thrive by building a life, not just a career." 

 

p.s. Whether it's through private coaching, attending SOAR, coming to a workshop, or making great friends while networking at the Synergy Success Circle, my goal is to provide inspiration, motivation, partnership, and proven tools to create balanced success.