If you watch cooking shows, you often hear about foods that are "sweet and savory" meaning both salty and sweet. You hear that food is better if you offset the sweetness of the food with something that is acidic like adding a little bit of lemon to the icing of a cake to keep it from being too sweet. When food meets these criteria, it is an accomplishment, because the food is now more "complex." Life is like that too - it is complex and we know sometimes it can be "bittersweet."

The holidays are the time of year when we are often confronted with the complexity of life, and we feel the bitter sweetness. We are often flooded by memories of other holidays, perhaps from a younger time, and we long to recapture that magic today. This might not be possible when we now have a loved one or parents for whom we're caring. Decorating is difficult, and gifts are expensive. Travel can be a challenge. And we might not feel like celebrating. Instead, we feel disappointed, angry or upset.

Missed expectations are the hole that can easily swallow us during the holidays. We hear that we're supposed to manage our expectations this time of year, but what does that really mean?  It means being realistic about what is and what is not going to happen during the holidays. But perhaps it can also mean being thoughtful about the holidays in the true sense of the word - taking the time to reflect on the good and the bad that comes with this thing called life.

For me, I have to physically stop and take a breath, and will myself to embrace both what is painful and what brings me happiness at this time. I recognize the sadness, fear and hurt that goes along with being a fragile human being, but I can also feel the wave of warmth, love and thankfulness that washes over me when I really think about it. Life is so complex, both crazy good and crazy bad at times. The holidays have a way of magnifying this.

So if it's okay for food to be both sweet and savory....if we can enjoy books and movies that have endings that are bittersweet, perhaps it can be okay to have a mixture of emotions this time of year, and throughout the year. Life isn't easy, and facing the complexity of life really is an achievement.

Carol Zernial 

Caregiver Grief and Loss

(from www.caregiver.org) 

Grief is a natural process, an intense fundamental emotion, a universal experience which makes us human. It is a process that entails extremely hard work over a period of many painful months or years. People grieve because they are deprived of a loved one; the sense of loss is profound.  

The loss of a spouse, child or parent affects our very identities-the way we define ourselves as a husband, wife, parent or offspring. Moreover, grief can arise from the survivor's sudden change in circumstances after a death and the fear of not knowing what lies ahead. Continue reading.

The month of December represents the third and final part of our "New Quality of Life" indicator series. And as all good orchestral arrangements should end, this third "B" of the series is the crescendo of all the Quality of Life Indicators.

As a reminder to the readers who have followed our three month Caregiver SOS Family Caregiver Celebration series, the University of Toronto found through its research, focus groups and overall observable data collection  Read More. Read More in Spanish.