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Greetings!
I hope you are enjoying your summer season, now that it is officially here! I realize that it has been severals months, and once again I am writing to share my occasional thoughts on leadership, management, the world of financial services and career and life fulfillment. On occasion, I will use examples from my client work to highlight key points. In all of those cases, I have received prior permission from my clients to use their stories. I hope you find my thoughts relevant and insightful. However, if you do not want to receive these emails, please click on the "SafeUnsubscribe" link at the bottom of the page.
 Real Leaders Ask For Help
In my work as an executive coach, I connect with a great many leaders - business leaders, non-profit leaders and leaders in the financial services community, among others. I have the privilege of observing many varieties of leadership and helping executives in leadership positions to enhance their effectiveness and professional growth. In my experience, one common personality trait of the best leaders, which distinguishes them from the rest of the pack, is that when they need help, they ask for it. The most effective leaders know their shortcomings and weaknesses and, most importantly, are aware that someone else is able to help them.
For example, one of my clients, the CEO of a rapidly growing services company in Colorado, realized that she was not naturally skilled at managing her time. Over the course of several coaching sessions together we identified ways that she wasted time during the day. Building on that awareness, she was able to change habitual behavior patterns related to viewing Internet news websites throughout the day. After several months of practicing new behaviors, she no longer is distracted by such websites and remains productive throughout the entirety of her workday.
Another client, a senior Partner of a Manhattan-based law firm had a serious weakness with work/life balance. His client work overwhelmed his
personal and family time, to the point where he was constantly exhausted and could not enjoy his time away from the office. Worse, the quality of his legal work suffered. In the course of our coaching work together, it became clear that he found it very difficult to set appropriate expectations and boundaries around time at the outset of new client engagements. This was a result of habitual patterns of complying with and pleasing others. Being aware of these patterns and desiring change, he was the able to suggest this topic as an area for coaching. Through our work, the attorney now creates appropriate expectations and boundaries with new clients, the result being better work/life balance, renewed vitality and better legal work.
Take a moment to review your leadership qualities. Ask yourself "Where do my weaknesses lie?" You probably already know the answers. The core question then is "Can I ask for help?" Working with an executive coach and taking the extra step of undergoing a 360 leadership assessment such as The Leadership Circle Profile™ can help identify additional areas of weakness and bring about greater success as the leader that you already are!
Self-Forgiveness vs. Accountability In my executive coaching practice, my clients often recount past work experiences where they have deep regret regarding their behavior, their spoken or written word or more broadly how they were "showing up" as professionals. Their vulnerability in these moments allows our coaching to reach new levels of depth and meaning. I have a firm belief that to realize our potential and be our authentic selves, we need to accept all elements of our character into our being. We need to be "OK" with the parts of ourselves that we do not admire, what Jung called the "shadow" side of ourselves. This belief of mine invariably leads me to ask my clients "What do you need to forgive yourself for?" as self-forgiveness is the foundation of acceptance of all elements of one's character. During a coaching session with one of my private equity clients, a Managing Director with a multi-billion NY-based PE firm, my client responded with a question of his own. "How can I forgive myself for my behavior earlier in my career and still hold myself accountable for my actions? These seem to be two opposing concepts." We discussed this for a brief period and then I asked him to close his eyes, relax and find where he held forgiveness within his body. After several moments of silence, he breathed a deep sigh. "It's in my heart", he reported with certainty. "And where does accountability reside within you?" I asked in response. A moment went by and then he noted that he held himself accountable in his mind. "I get it!" he exclaimed. "I can forgive myself in my heart AND simultaneously hold myself accountable for my actions in my mind. I always thought that if I let myself off the hook for the past, that I was making it OK to repeat mistakes in the future." I then noted that self-forgiveness relates to the past, whereas accountability relates to the present moment and is a commitment for the future. Ask yourself "For what do I need to forgive myself?" Whatever comes up, know you can forgive yourself for your past missteps, accepting all elements of your character, including the "shadow", while still holding yourself accountable today and going forward. With respect,
Peter Feer, CPCC, ACC
Executive Coach
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