Whenever I need a boost of structure to help with my writing about personal growth, I re-visit four dimensions of human experience that appear repeatedly in the world's wisdom literature: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Two issues ago, we began with aging and the body. Next, we explored aging and the mind. Today, we look at aging and affairs of the heart.
Relationships change with time. The character of our long-term ties with parents, spouses, and children evolve as individuals and circumstances change. The type and number of the communities to which we belong are also in constant flux. As I watch those changes in my own life and the lives of those ahead of me on the journey, I am inspired to pay attention and make intentional daily choices that honor and foster social connection.
Retirement triggered a major change of community for me. For more than 30 years, workmates were (in addition to our small, cozy family) my major source of social support. We had goals in common and went through tough times together. We filled in where needed and covered each other's back. People at work appreciated my strengths and challenged me to improve. For so many years they were there, then one day they were not.
As I began to develop a private life-coaching practice, I looked for professional communities by networking with fellow life coaches and joining business organizations. Although I made some significant individual friendships in the process, I still felt the absence of a meaningful network.
Then, without calculating the implications, I took two small steps that quickly became a major commitment to our local running club. I started an outreach program for slower runners and walkers and volunteered to coach a marathon training class. For the past five years, the people I have met through those channels have fulfilled and exceeded my hopes for a well connected life.
I have learned again that, for me, the heart is warmed by shared passions and goals. It is fueled by appreciation, compassion, and encouragement. It is strengthened by sharing highs and lows, successes and setbacks, personal records and months of recovery after something goes wrong.
As I age, I find it takes more effort to build and maintain relationships. Introverted by temperament, I find social interactions tiring (as much as I love them) and need solitude to rebound from together-time. The next step, I can see all too easily, would be to stay home with the cat and hubby in front of the fire instead of going out in the first place.
I am grateful to recognize those natural tendencies now, so I can choose to challenge myself when faced with options. I want to make a habit of seeking and fostering connections, overcoming my natural reticence, and offsetting many forces that pull the other way.
