When my son was in school I annoyed him, as mothers often do. When we re-connected at the end of our respective work and school days, I asked, "What were the highlights of your day?" Years later, he turned the tables and asked that question before I had a chance to do so. Only then did I realize how difficult it can be to answer.
Much of the time, when asked how we're doing, we offer a qualified response. "Pretty good." "OK." "Not enough sleep." "Not ready for the holidays." "Eating too much." And, perhaps the most frequent response, "Busy!" If the questioner is a barista or checkout clerk, we may respond "Fine," or even, "Great." But we may not mean it.
So, given the spotty history of a positive question and its demand for the upbeat response, why was I as a trained as a life coach to begin there as well?
One answer is found in the brain. The part of the brain that stores positive memories and their emotional analogs is also the part that responds creatively to challenge. It makes sense and pays off to seek out that particular pocket of gray matter when preparing ourselves to grow. Before focusing on ways to improve, I connect with those things in my life that are great, just the way they are. While I'm in a helpful neurological neighborhood, I find ideas and motivation for doing more.
The answer is reinforced by research on organizational development. In a book entitled Appreciative Inquiry, author David Cooperrider reports on the habits of effective work groups. While many organizations address improvement by identifying problems and digging for root causes to correct, others look first at what they do best. They celebrate and build on success. And it works! Of the organizations studied, those that capitalized on strengths outperformed those that gazed at their figurative navels, looking for what went wrong.
"How's it going?" I have been trying a different answer to that question; one that both tells the truth and captures the value of positivity. "I have much to be grateful for" sets me on the path to recalling good things and bringing them forward as fuel for a yet-more-wonderful future.
The practice of identifying blessings in our lives, celebrating successes, and giving thanks is a timely emphasis this Thanksgiving weekend. Let's give it a try! May it add value to our lives throughout the holiday season (and beyond).
