Both behavior-change research and our own experience demonstrate the power of other people to influence our learning process. From the earliest moments of our lives, we learn by imitation. Mommy smiles, baby smiles. Daddy waves, toddler waves. Parents go to church, kids go to church. Teachers show excitement around their subjects and students fire up as well.
As adults, the role of imitation in personal growth takes the shape of role models. We admire others who are enough like us for realistic comparison and who have made choices or developed skills that we admire. I see my hero Jeff Galloway run a marathon on his 70th birthday, and am tempted to follow in his steps. My peers sign up for a drumming class and I follow. My son enjoys a new app, and I download it too.
The availability of role models, both those we know in person and those we find in the media or on the bookshelf, increases our confidence in the potential for change. We can envision success when we see someone else doing what we want to do. When we share personal qualities (age, education, gender) or life circumstances (married, retired, recovering) the influence is even more powerful.
Monkey-see-monkey-do and enhanced confidence are not, however, the only dynamics at work between buddies. Another key process increases motivation. When a friend invites me to go for a run, take a class, or share a trip, I look forward to her company. When she applauds my effort and recognizes even the smallest success, I blossom like a well-tended plant in the sun.
Finally, the social component of behavioral change strengthens our commitment. When we make a pact around a common goal, we want to honor the bargain. It's cold and rainy, but she is waiting for me at the trailhead. I may not feel like going to Weight Watchers, but I know the leader appreciates my support. Accountability increases when we make a promise to someone else.
Reviewing the benefits of social support for growth makes it sound so obvious (duh!). On the other hand, sometimes we take those obvious dynamics for granted and it helps to bring them into focus. It also helps to introduce the buddy factor where it is currently missing.
In closing, let's admit that the buddy factor cuts both ways. We can be inspired to imitate the behavior of others, even when that behavior runs against our own desires. What happens when a buddy goes back for more dessert at the potluck? When he stops working out as weather worsens? When she complains about her partner? When he adds one more commitment to a full calendar?
