Age spots and alligator skin. Gray hair. Sagging here and bulging there. Sciatica. Hot flashes (still...really?). Difficulty sleeping. An aortic aneurysm. As 70 approaches, the physical changes are adding up. I have more sources of chronic discomfort and anxiety than I did even five years ago. Many of my peers face even more serious issues: autoimmune disease, diabetes, cancer, and stroke.
Confronting my own physical aging, and anticipating the mine field of potential threats on the horizon, are core challenges for me these days. I admit my anxiety not to wallow or elicit pity, but to face it squarely and handle it assertively. I can so easily generate catastrophic scenarios. How do I talk myself off the ledge?
Several years ago, I read an excellent book on stress management, Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat Zinn. The author has, over more than 30 years, developed and offered a program called Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR). MBSR trains people to use meditation techniques in dealing with chronic pain and other sources of stress. I began to practice meditation while reading the book, and mindful awareness continues to be my "go-to" approach for dealing with downturns.
MBSR focuses on the present moment. It recognizes that my current discomfort only worsens when I add in memories of past pain and projections of future disaster. It counsels me to accept whatever I am experiencing, without resisting or reacting mentally and emotionally. The more I center on the now, the less threatening life and its many possibilities becomes.
I still generate and ruminate over worst-case scenarios. I am tempted to self-diagnose with every new ailment I hear or read about. I project today's aching back into acute and disabling pain over the long term. I imagine today's broken wrist as tomorrow's broken hip (my aging bones are thinning, aren't they?) Almost any evidence can be transmuted into the specter of cancer.
Yes, my fearful mind still bubbles up and babbles threats. But a peaceful inner voice also arises, speaks, and soothes. I have gradually learned to seek it out and listen for its subtle message. The practice of present-moment awareness, acceptance of what-is, releasing what-if, and giving thanks for one day at a time help me back away from the cliff and resume living with realistic optimism, moment to moment, in the now.
