Last week we introduced James Prochaska's model of readiness for change. By way of review, here again are the stages he sees in clients who are dealing with unhealthy (in his clinical experience, addictive) behaviors.
- Pre-contemplation (I should change, but I won't or I can't.)
- Contemplation (I may initiate a change in the next few months.)
- Preparation (I intend to change and am planning the first steps.)
- Action (I'm doing it! I really am!)
- Maintenance (I'm still doing it; it has become a habit.)
I suggested last week that motivation is the fuel that moves us from stage to stage along Readiness Road. Today I complete the analogy by calling confidence the vehicle in which we travel. Confidence in an automobile derives from wheels that grip, gears that mesh, brakes that engage, and so forth. Confidence in ourselves comes from knowing that our strengths and skills are up to the task and that we have additional resources upon which to draw.
We have talked about identifying and celebrating our strengths several times before. Here we are again, because it is so important and because sometimes we just don't get it. Each of us has different character strengths upon which we can call. They are ways of showing up in life that come naturally, that we do well. These aren't skills and talents like musical or math genius, but core values that emerge in our actions: Love of learning, gratitude, humor, courage, loving/being loved, perspective, leadership, teamwork, spirituality, and appreciation of beauty are examples from the list.
When you take a trip, it helps to know whether your vehicle is a bicycle, a sports car, or a giant motorhome. When charting a course for personal growth, it helps to know whether you are naturally more brave and spiritual or honest and merciful.
For the third time this year, I invite you to take 30 minutes for the VIA Survey of Character Strengths. (Click here to register and take the test.)
In addition to identifying personal qualities that enhance your capacity for change, it is helpful to scan past experience for examples of similar challenges and how you overcame them. Successes and what helped them turn out so well. When in the past did you turn a troublesome relationship into a supportive one? What worked during the years that you maintained a robust fitness program and loved every minute of it? Would you gain energy from being busier than you are now, or would you feel better if you backed off? Does a structured approach to goals, tracking, and rewards bolster your commitment to change or does it trigger resistance and point you in the direction of a gentle, free-flowing approach?
Finally, after sizing up your personal strengths and learning from past success, it is time to inventory other resources. Who knows you well, loves you, and knows how to skillfully support you in times of change? What books and recordings and classes and coaches are you aware of? How might you search for more? Facilities and equipment? Clubs and support groups?
In my case, I find from the VIA Survey that my top strengths are love of learning, perspective, and spirituality. Those qualities help me to welcome new personal growth and learning projects, write about them to gain insight, and connect my efforts with a higher power and my deeper values. I lean hard on my Weight Watchers' meeting group and running buddies, who motivate me to (respectively) eat well and remain active. I also have spiritual buddies and peer life coaches who willingly listen and encourage while sharing the journey to a better me.
Confidence grows with recognizing and marshalling the resources at our disposal. The process may take some time, but is worth the effort.
