Last week, I encouraged you to revive and refresh your ideals around health and happiness. Without focusing on the future so much as the quality of "now," what kind of person do you want to be? What kind of life do you want to live?
Today, we step back from focusing on the ideal, and ask with a spirit of genuine inquiry: "Where am I now? What is going well, and what might I want to change?" The intent is not to foster criticism or regret, but simply to view ourselves with an open mind.
The human experiment can be seen as an exercise in becoming. It can be seen as the process of seeing and gradually closing the gap between our current reality and our highest potential. Today I invite you to explore some gaps with me. A list of common examples would include:
- I want to see the glass half full. I struggle with seeing it empty.
- I want to be a supportive spouse and parent. I am inclined toward harsh judgment and unhelpful advice.
- I want to eat nourishing food in moderation. I pig out on empty calories.
- I want a simpler, less cluttered home. I love the rush of a shopping spree.
- I want a slower pace. I can't say no when someone asks me for help.
- I know that physical activity is critical for stress management and many aspects of health. I don't enjoy it, and rarely fit it into my busy schedule
- I want to balance effort with recovery, self-care with service, learning with producing, working with playing. Imbalances abound.
The list of gaps between real and ideal can be overwhelming. It is tempting either to give up entirely or to overcommit, attempting to fix everything at once.
According to behavioral research, we humans have limited capacity for intentional change. That capacity is located in the highly evolved prefrontal cortex of the brain. The same zone is responsible for all aspects of evaluation, planning, and reasoned choice. It is much smaller than the reflexive and emotional zones of the brain that tend to drive unhelpful habits. For that reason, we are counseled to set a few clear priorities for improvement rather than attempting everything at once. We may also want to begin with "low hanging fruit" that is less daunting, building confidence that can be used for a bigger challenge later on.
Early in this journey, we looked at a simple life balance assessment that is designed to highlight those areas in which our lives feel the most "out of whack." Click here to review the assessment.
I remember an experience, many years ago, when I struggled with a gap. A friend and I had hiked six miles, and had only a mile to go when we reached a deep and rushing river. The water churned and foamed around wet, slippery rocks. A short distance downstream, it roared through a narrow gorge. My friend went for it, hopping confidently from rock to rock, and made it safely to the other side. I did not. After sizing things, I turned around and took a long, long time to re-trace my steps. She (being a great friend) went on to retrieve the car and came back to pick me up.
That gap was greater than I was willing to jump at that time. The same can be true of our personal habits and the challenge of change. Sometimes we set out on a journey, only to find that the gap is bigger and more threatening than we thought it would be. Sometimes Plan B is a wiser choice.
At this stage in our shared journey, I encourage you to size things up. Find the imbalances you would most like to correct. Take a realistic view of the gaps and figure out what you are ready to take on now. After setting some preliminary priorities, we will take a deeper look at readiness for change.
