So many of our efforts to grow and change, to improve our health and happiness, to wean ourselves from unhelpful habits and build better ones stall out early in the process. We have heard discouraging statistics about the duration of New Year's resolutions, and we know that the road to eternal misery is paved with good intentions. Why, then, can I state with confidence that this journey can be different, that our year together will likely bring about some tangible shift in the direction of your choosing?
Our New Year's resolutions fail for any number of reasons. In some cases, we express a vague desire that is neither deeply rooted in motivation nor detailed and specific enough to serve as a meaningful focus for change. In other cases, we write ourselves a prescription for failure by choosing a desired outcome that we don't really believe we can achieve. We don't have a strategy for building confidence that matches the magnitude of the effort required. And often we describe a huge, life-changing goal that sinks under its own weight. As much as we may like the idea of reaching the destination, we do not buy the map and chart a day-by-day, step-by-step itinerary that will take us there.
In my experience, the two steps that transform good intentions into effective change are action and review. Not just any action, but small, do-able, measurable behavioral changes. Not just any review, but making a habit of checking in weekly, using the same outline of key recurring questions as a guide.
As we look forward to the remainder of 2015, with all its challenges and opportunities to grow, I encourage you to schedule a pattern of weekly review. Put it on the calendar. Perhaps, for enhanced motivation and accountability, you will choose to share it with someone you trust.
My own habit is to use the following outline for a weekly email to my friend Jane
(usually on Friday mornings, but sometimes Saturday or Sunday.) She is under no obligation to respond, though she often does. But she has offered to listen, to be there on the other end as I work my way though the issues of living, week after week and year after year. Give it a try. I think you will find it helpful, whether solitary or shared.
