In Managing Transitions, author William Bridges makes a distinction between starting and beginning.  Starting happens when the organization chart is published, when the divorce is final, or when you report to a new address for work.  Beginnings take a while longer.  Starting is mechanical, like flipping a switch.  Beginning is organic, like developing humans.  Startings are in the head, while beginnings are in the heart.

I have been sharing a number of transitions with family and friends in recent months.  One beginning occurred when renting got old and the commitment was made to buy a home.  Another when struggling with arthritic pain gave way to knee replacement surgery.  Yet another when a daughter went to Europe with her class and Mom resisted the temptation to chaperone the trip.  And, in several cases, beginnings took place when the need for help tipped the balance toward assisted living. Each of these changes had a start (a switch that flipped from off to on) and also involves a beginning- the gradual transition to accepting and embracing the new normal.

When do we know that we have truly begun (not just started) a new adventure?  We know when, deep inside, we understand and feel that there is no going back.  We know when both external circumstances and the core sense of identity make the shift at last.  In the best of transitions, emotional acceptance comes with a level of positive energy and excitement.   Even after losing a lifelong partner, the surviving spouse often forges a new identity in the single life or opens to the possibility of another meaningful relationship.

So far our conversation has been developing around a set of examples that have fairly obvious endings and beginnings, with transitions linking the two.  As I reflect, however, I find myself thinking about the subject more broadly.  While dramatic changes like marriage, childbirth, job change, and death clearly entail a shift from old to new, so do our everyday lives.  We are always in flux. Some days we wake up full of energy.  Some we would rather stay in bed.  Some weeks feel overcommitted; others feel stressed by unstructured gaps on the calendar.  Physical and emotional energy, sense of purpose and degree of interpersonal connection ebb and flow.

If that is true, and experience tells me that it is, the stress of change is always with us, and its creative energy is always with at our disposal.  There is always something new to try, something old to let go of, and joy to find in not knowing for sure how any of it will turn out. 

Yes, the big changes are going to happen.  I believe we do well to understand their dynamics and apply tested approaches to easing the pain.  Let's make the most of those changes when they occur, experimenting during transition and thoughtfully crafting a new beginning on the other side.  I also believe we do well to develop skills for living all the time light on our feet, able to shift our balance however slightly as conditions change from moment to moment and day to day.