Something small is missing from my life.  The gap was larger and more noticeable at first, but it has been diminishing as the days have passed.  The gap is filling in.

What is it, then, that I miss?  I miss the goal.  It has been my friend and inspiration for nearly five years.  You know about it, as I have reflected on it often (most recently just two weeks back). 

 I would not expect a feeling of loss, but of fulfillment.  One step at a time I have chased the elusive prey of finishing half marathon races in 25 states, and now I have. Yes, it felt great to cross the finish line upright and smiling in Honolulu.  It felt great to post a message for the Half2Run Facebook group, celebrating success.  It feels great to tell you, who have cheered and supported me for so long, that it's in the bag, on the books, and checked off the list.

It also feels a little sad.  Who am I without this small, inconsequential (on a cosmic scale) but nevertheless challenging and stimulating goal? It has made for years of enjoyable small talk with friends and strangers alike.  It has generated a delightful album of memories, travel shared with Lyle and with various running buddies, and reunions with long-lost family and friends as I added their states to the list.  It has taught me so much about mental and physical training, my own mind and body, and the fine line between tough and stupid (thanks to Adam Goucher and Tim Catalano in Running the Edge).  What, other than the accomplishment itself, will fill the gap?

I don't want to aim for 50 states.  I don't want another large, multi-year, over-arching goal at this point.  I want instead to focus more closely on the present moment.  I want to celebrate each day.  As a runner, I want to celebrate each mile as special.  I want to savor each run shared with a buddy and each one that offers solitude for reflection.  I want to run on some days and volunteer for aid stations or cheer at the finish line on others. I have offered my services as a freelance buddy for friends who are themselves chasing "states" goals.  I want to continue connecting with far-flung loved ones by looking for events where they live.   

 Maybe sometime I will set another large goal, but probably not. I am glad I did it, but am ready to move into a different model of motivation.  Take each day as a gift, live it richly, celebrate, repeat.

Have you felt a vacuum after accomplishing a major goal? How have you responded?  What did you learn and how will you approach the challenge another time?