I suspect that we all played some version of hide-and-go-seek as children. Do you remember the chant, "Here I come, ready or not?" That chant bubbled up this morning as I thought about our personal journeys. Research has shown, and my experience confirms that we often start chasing self-improvement willy nilly, whether we are ready or not. But what does it mean to be ready for change?
Dr. James Prochaska (University of Rhode Island) has identified predictable stages of change for people dealing with addictions and other patterns of self-destructive behavior. The same stages apply to those of us with less intense and extreme needs for change than the people he studied.
According to Prochaska, we begin with pre-contemplation (I can't change, or I don't want to) and move through contemplation (maybe I will), preparation (I want to start), and action (I'm doing it). The process culminates in maintenance (I only have to keep doing what I am already doing well).
Success depends heavily on matching our approach to change with our degree of readiness. It is not generally effective to start in the middle, or to fast-forward through stages where we need to spend more time.
Many of us remain stuck in the land of pre-contemplation. On the one hand, we feel the draw of a healthier lifestyle. We can see what's not working, and may even be able to figure out what "better" would look like. On the other hand, we are intimidated by the trade-offs. We can't see how to make time for new habits. We cling to the emotional rewards of our current patterns. We are haunted by past failures and discouraged about this time being different. In these very early stages of change, we deeply need acceptance and empathy--for who we are and where we are right now. The more we beat up on ourselves, the more hopeless we feel and the less energy we bring to bear.
The second stage, contemplation, picks up where pre-contemplation leaves off. We recognize our ambivalence; there are reasons why we want to change, and reasons why we do not. We know it will be hard. It will take profound insight, sustained effort, new skills, and support from others. However, at this stage we are beginning to build the case that change is, indeed, worth the investment required. We strengthen our motivation and build our confidence.
One lesson learned by studying the stages of change is the risk of jumping too quickly into action. We join a gym, adopt the hottest fad diet, quit our job or our marriage, get a prescription for mood-altering drugs, or take other abrupt and poorly considered shortcuts to improving the situation that troubles us.
Prochaska recommends that, rather than taking direct action at the beginning of a change process, we start by pursuing "thinking and feeling goals." Our earlier discussions of deepening motivation and building confidence fit into this framework.
