We started our relationship back in August, around my birthday.  I was instantly attracted and soon we were together all the time. 

I like to keep track of things.  I record eating, exercise, and books I have read. I keep mailing lists of contacts, organized by interest.  My Garmin GPS watch uploads every run and walk I take, complete with splits, map, and heart rate data. So, when Gwen got a Fitbit, I wanted one too.  We have been together ever since.  Until Friday.  Without even waiting for the weekly cycle to end, I took her off and sighed with relief.  We may make up and hang out together again sometime, but not now.  I had enough.

What does it mean to have, to love, to tire of, and to break off a relationship with a bracelet, for goodness sake?  After a lot of thought, I found myself re-visiting a simple truth that I learned about motivation in life-coaching school.  "People don't resist change; they resist being changed."  We are motivated by internal desires, demotivated by urging by others. Fitbit had gradually become an "other" in my life.

Over the course of seven months, our relationship changed. At the beginning, we were buddies.  She kept me company.  She knew what I was doing and cared enough to record, graph, summarize, and remind me of my goals.  I wanted to be more active and she helped me figure out what that looked and felt like. She cheered me on and gently pointed it out when I fell short.

Then, as time passed, the novelty wore off.  She turned into a critical authority figure.  Yes, I now knew how to earn 7500 steps and how hard it was for me to reach 10,000.  I also knew what a 700-step day looked like.  I didn't need her to tell me, but she wouldn't shut up.  There she was, getting in the way as I typed and catching on the sleeve of my jacket. Our friendship had made a difference, but now I was ready to internalize the insight I had gained and fly on my own.

I like to understand the patterns of eating, exercise, and other automatic behaviors that affect the quality of my life.  I find it motivating to have goals and to monitor progress toward those goals.  On the other hand, sometimes the energy turns around and undermines my efforts.  Sometimes my inner coach becomes a harsh taskmaster and my inner child defies her efforts to chide me into compliance. 

It doesn't take an electronic bracelet to trigger resistance.  Our motivation for change works best when it comes from positive forces deep within.  It can be enhanced when shared with a supportive friend.  It turns sour when inner or outer voices degenerate into nagging.  Of course I know that Fitbit didn't change.  I changed.  I stopped using her feedback as a boost and began to treat it as a drag.  Time for a fresh approach.

Can you hear the difference between voices that build you up and those that tear you down?  How do you tune back into the voice that cheers?