It popped up again on Facebook this week: the admonition to eradicate negativity by seeking out positive people and avoiding the toxic ones. I like the advice. It allows me to shun those others who find and point out my faults. It encourages me to avoid pessimists who dwell on dire outcomes for my crises.  In using the concept of like attracting like, the advice reinforces my desire for a comfort zone in which the sun always shines and happy endings are the norm.

Yes, I am drawn to that advice and I know it has a place in my life. Despite the reality of their habitual thought patterns, however, I find it simplistic to label people as either positive or negative, much less toxic.  We are generally distributed along a continuum from gloom to glee, and on any given day we fall closer to one end than another.  We are complex beings, and our emotional state varies. 

In addition, I have to admit that my view of you has a lot to do with me.  It has been said that we are most critical of others when they display unacknowledged traits that we dislike in ourselves.  I have to ask myself whether, when labeling another as negative, I am looking in the mirror of my own mind at the moment.

Finally, it is not only about the positive or negative energy I receive from you.  It is also about what I give.  If you are habitually sad, discouraged, or critical who will be the positive influence in your day if I look only for someone who will feed my happiness?  Perhaps I would enhance my own joy by offering some to you.  If I listen with empathy to your pain, affirm your capacity to cope, and offer my love and support I might come away stronger and better able to deal with challenges in my own life.

I give thanks for the chronically positive people in my life.  I seek them out to emulate their perspective and resonate with their high spirits.  On the other hand, I try not to avoid those who occupy a less powerful space.  I strive to recycle the smile I get from you on your good day and pass it along to someone on the verge of tears.  Like Gandhi, I seek to be the change I want to see in the world.

How do you relate to people whose temperament or circumstances darken the day?  How do you strengthen your own positive energy so that you can pass it along to others?