It is going so... very...slowly. At first I thought it would be a snap. After all, I had an archive with over 200 weekly Reflections to draw from. I could staple them together, add a cover, and "Voila!" the book would appear. The anniversary of that conclusion is only a couple of calendar pages away, and I am not there yet.
I have come to describe the process not as "the book I am writing," but "the book project." It involves so much more than writing, the writing is different, and I am not the only player. Even though I am planning to self-publish, this project has become a team effort with many moving parts.
One of my first acts was to invite a small group of Reflections readers to serve as "Book Buddies." I ask BBs to bounce ideas around and share their impressions of various attempts. What a diverse mix of thoughtful and creative folks I found! Whether it be a book title, cover design, or introduction, their commentary spans a wide range of opinion. When common views arise, they are very helpful. However, the frequent opposing views leave me to chart a course without reassuring consensus.
Another early step was to develop a framework of chapters that would sort weekly posts on random topics into meaningful chunks. That process never ends. As I work through different versions, sorting articles this way and that, I hit the mirrored walls of redundancy and fall into the abyss of significant gaps. At some point, I will declare that enough is indeed enough and move ahead with what I have.
A third challenge has been to step out of the present tense and create a timeless flow from material written one week at a time. Many Reflections begin, "for the past few weeks, we have been exploring..." or "when I woke up this morning, I saw..." Stumbling around in the time warp, I still haven't figured it out but it gradually feels better with a tweak here and a tweak there.
I am learning so much from this midlife adventure!
Writing a book does not progress one step at a time on a direct path. It goes in circles, which build into spirals. The spirals may advance, retreat, or veer off in a new direction altogether.
Learning itself cannot be rushed. A flash of insight can explode when I least expect it, light the next few steps, and go out. The darkness between insights may last a long time.
My writing is not really mine. It comes through me. Sometimes the source flows, sometimes it babbles, sometimes it falls silent. I can encourage, but not force it to speak.
I am learning to trust that the process is its own reward. When I engage with an open heart and a willing spirit, the book project unfolds in its own way and on its own timeline. I am learning to let go and enjoy the ride.
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What is your experience with projects that elude closure? How do you work with the energy of a creative process, rather than fighting for control?
