Sending prayers.  How can I help?  I am so sorry.  Best wishes.  Phrases like these express our oh-so inadequate desire to reach out, connect, and support one another in times of trial.  I have had too many occasions to use these phrases in recent months.  In doing so, I have been reflecting on the vocabulary of loving connection and the meaning underlying the words.  I have concluded that the phrase and reality that mean the most to me are, "thinking of you."

Our minds are always racing:  things to do, reactions and judgments, plans and hopes, analysis and evaluation.  It takes heartfelt intention and specific effort to make space for thoughts that reach out to another in need and wish them well.  It takes another increment of effort to write the note, send the e-mail, post the Facebook comment, or make the call that lets them know.  As I have shared some personal struggles in recent weeks, your responses to Reflections and outreach from other loved ones have made a powerful difference.  They have given me the strength of sharing the burden and experiencing team effort.

The power does not come only from practical offers of help,  welcome though they are.  Yes, I need help with snow when Lyle is away, and I love you, neighbor, for doing it unasked.  And thank you for watching to see that newspapers don't pile up.  Yes, I could use a ride to the airport.  Yes, the book you sent will give me important food for thought.  These are all wonderful gifts, but (and I risk a cliché) the thought behind the gift counts most.

It is easy to feel invisible and alone, especially during tough times.  I am not the best company when depressed or anxious; absorbed in myself, I withdraw.  Any gesture that brings the web of relatedness back into focus under these circumstances is precious. "Thinking of you" remembers and reminds me of events we have shared.  "Thinking of you" knows the music I like.  "Thinking of you" retrieves our past conversations and applies them to new challenges.  "Thinking of you" may not know what to say or do but shows up anyway.

We all have different talents.  I admire those who come up with the perfect gift, those who deliver a pot of healthy home-made soup, who offer a healing massage.  None of those is a talent of mine.  But I can think of you.  I can send you the note that tells you so.  I can remember our conversation and send you a link to the video we discussed.  I can call you for a coffee date and listen as well as talk.  I pray for the grace to offer what I can when the need arises.

***

What thoughtful gestures from others stand out in your experience? What talents and gifts of thought and connection come most naturally when you reach out to someone else?