For about a week, I felt the internal batteries running down.   My mind was as sharp and clear as cotton wool.  Motivation hovered, with the overnight lows, below zero.  The open calendar that is normally a source of energy and delight stared back vacantly, asking "Now you have some free time, so what are you going to do with it?" 

It is the day after solstice, and I am wondering how much this pattern has to do with sun.  It is the weekend before Christmas, and "holiday blues" might play a part.  Lyle is helping his family far away, and a degree of loneliness factors into the mix.   As I reflect on the lassitude,  I feel some momentum creeping back in.  It is helpful to face the experience and name it, not just to curl up and escape.  It is also helpful to tap into the metaphor and reality of crossing the line between shortening days and lengthening ones.  Yesterday was, for this year, the day of longest night.  I want to turn around, face the sunrise, and look forward to the cycle of renewal that lies ahead.

Although I love the coziness of winter and the warm glow of a fire and Christmas tree in predawn darkness, I celebrate the return of the sun.  Though it imperceptible at first, this day next week will be three minutes longer than today.  In a month it will gain 39 minutes and in three months we will see the sun for 3:45 longer and celebrate the equinox.   The sun is an important source of mental and emotional energy, and the shift from shrinking to growing days is bound to help my outlook.  In addition, I look forward to moving past the season of focusing every moment on the holiday centerpiece.  Holiday blues for me come with any contrast between seasonal ideals and current reality.  This year, we made the difficult decision to spend Christmas Day apart for the first time in 35 years.  It was a complex decision rooted in family values, but it did leave frayed loose ends of emotion to be mended in the new year.

White space on the calendar is most valuable when scarce, and ironically it has grown for me this year as Christmas nears.  Letters and gifts were mailed early.  Parties,  holiday concerts,and  TV specials peaked, then waned.  My calendar is open while others fill their time with last-minute shopping, cleaning, and cooking for the big day. 

My energy is low.  The energy of the sun and the energy of a busy life filled with purposeful activity and social connection is are in a temporary slump. The turning point is here.  Tomorrow will have more sunlight than today, and the next day will be even better.  In the meanwhile, I will rest and feed the spirit and trust in the cycles of the year turn the tide and for my energy to grow as the sun returns.

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What are your sources of energy? How do you handle the natural ebb and flow that results when they change?