Last week, we reflected on the many reasons for celebrating in midwinter.  We also identified the holiday values we hold dear and observances that mean the most. 

Today I risk of turning the coin over and looking at the back side.  Some holiday traditions and observances do not resonate for everyone and can, indeed, be a source of pain.  The subject is risky because it may be seen as an attack on our collective image of seasonal perfection.  I take the risk because images of perfection can hurt.  Recognizing the variety of our life experiences and the emotional baggage we carry can help us connect with more compassion in the spirit of peace and goodwill to all.

The list of challenging traditions is different for us all.   Mine begins with food. I have struggled lifelong with the desire for a healthy weight.  About fifteen years ago, I succeeded in dropping the extra pounds and have been able to keep them off.  The quality of my life has taken a giant step forward as I have become more active, enjoyed more energy, worn clothing more comfortably, and celebrated better test results at the doctor's office. 

However, while I have changed in outward appearance, the urge to binge on high-calorie foods remains.  When I am surrounded by treats, one bite inevitably leads to more.  One day of indulgence opens the door for the rest of the season. The struggle to rebuild healthy patterns after a season of overeating can be long and riddled with false starts and failures.  Of course I hesitate to share this perspective because any picture of holiday perfection centers on the table. Love is often expressed in baking cookies, making candy, developing elaborate appetizers, and selecting choice beverages to share.

I will stop there.  I am only prepared to reveal a sample of my own mixed emotions during November-December time.  I have more, and I suspect that you do too.  Introverts struggle with large gatherings.  The financially strapped worry about gifts. The severely allergic wince at a feast infused with gluten and whey. Those who have lost loved ones may feel especially lonely when large families gather for celebration.

Holidays are in many ways a time to set aside preoccupation with self and to absorb some discomfort in honor of togetherness.  On the other hand, they can also be a time to recognize the ways in which our experiences differ and to empathize with the broad array of emotions and needs among others in our family and friendship circles. 

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Where do your experiences and sensitivities collide with holiday tradition?  How do you balance your own needs with those of the people you love?