A friend is going to be celebrating a milestone birthday later this year. He has no issue with the idea of moving into a new decade as he has a wonderful understanding of the importance of being healthy, happy, and continuing to learn as he goes. What he does have a problem with is the people - the friends - in his life that insist on telling him how to celebrate the event.

This person enjoys the serenity and peace he finds when he is hiking, reading a book, or sharing a glass of wine and conversation, and this is how he would like to celebrate his birthday. In contrast, this group of friends love a party -- cocktails, food, joking around, music and conversation -- all going late into the night. There is nothing wrong with either scenario. The problem comes in when one group believes that the other person has to do things their way -- to the point that if my friend will not come to the party, the party will descend on him.

So often when people do something for another person, it is with the thought of themselves in mind, as in "This is what I would like, if it were me."    

The thing is, it's not about you -- it is about the other person, and what that person would like. Is he a quiet, introspective individual, or a rambunctious, "Let's celebrate that this day of the week ended in Y!" type of personality? Do you love coconut cream pie, but she loves chocolate cheesecake, so you get the coconut cream pie, because you just know she'll like it once she tries it?"

This type of thinking is not just rude or inconsiderate, it's selfish. At about three years of age, kids begin finding out that there are other people in the world besides themselves. At what point do we stop focusing on what we want, or like, or think, and listen to what matters to someone else?