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I had tea with my friend and neighbor, Lisa, on Saturday, and uppermost in our minds -- and conversation -- were the events of last week, beginning with the tragic shooting at Clackamas Town Center in Portland, Oregon and ending with the horror that took place on Friday in Newtown, Connecticut. As wives, as moms, and as women, we are struggling to comprehend the incomprehensible, knowing there is not an answer to the question "Why?"
Over the last few days, I have listened to the stories, read a number of blogs, articles and Facebook postings, and I think Lisa put into words what so many of us are feeling -- "I don't really feel like Christmas this year." We are sad, we are angry, we are in pain, we are questioning, and while we are reaching to hold those we love close, there doesn't seem to be a lot of celebrating right now.
And that's okay. The holidays can be a difficult time anyway, and feeling it is necessary to plaster on a false smile and emit that "this is the happiest time of year!" glow can be overwhelming for many people, even without the recent events.
So may I suggest we all let ourselves off the hook?
If you know of someone who is struggling, extend an offer to get together. Sometimes a quiet conversation over coffee or a meal can be just what is needed. Let the person know you are there, you are a friend, and you are offering support; you may be surprised at the benefit you receive in return.
If your invitation is declined, or the person says he would prefer to spend some time alone, accept the answer, and know that it is not personal. It is a time for personal reflection, and we all do this in different ways, for different reasons. Refrain from attempting to make a person feel guilty because they are not participating in the "fun" of the season. The words "but I don't want you to be by yourself", while kindly meant, may be interpreted as pity. The spirit of the holidays is about giving, and one of the best gifts you may give is personal space.
Whether it is participating in familiar traditions, or trying something new, do what makes you feel comfortable this holiday season.
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